unexpected help

Yesterday was a hard day.  I was already contemplating how to handle the pizza party at work.  Then we had pizza at church last night.  I felt like I was being consumed (no pun intended) by thoughts of pizza!!  I knew about the dinner in advance, and I almost decided not to go.  There was a meeting after dinner that I felt I should attend so I went.  I ate a healthy, filling dinner at home, so I thought I'd be ok.  Wrong.  I enjoyed talking with people, but watching everyone eat pizza was very difficult.  I wanted to leave church, go to the pizza restaurant, and buy an entire pizza to eat by myself. When I got home I went for a walk.  That helped enormously.  Due to my frustration at the strong cravings I was having, I was able to increase my speed quite a bit!!

This morning I was struggling again on the way to work.  For some reason, I began thinking about peanut butter.  I love peanut butter.  It is definitely a "trigger" food so I've been avoiding it.  Then I began thinking about one of my favorite Little Debbie Snack cakes.  Then ice cream.  I began considering going to purchase some of these items after work.   Then.....when I was walking to my desk I passed by someone who had a package of Reese cup cookies on their desk.  Ugh.  Here we go with the peanut butter cravings again.

When I began reading my emails, I noticed one from the person who is handling the details of our pizza party next week.  She explained that she knows that I have been eating healthy, and that she assume that I  wouldn't want to eat pizza.  She asked if there was something else she could order from the restaurant for me.  How sweet was that??!!

That brightened my day.  At that point, I replied that I couldn't remember which restaurant she had decided to go with, but I didn't think any of the several that she was deciding between would have anything healthy.  I told her that I was still deciding whether I should "splurge" or simply not participate.

About 15 minutes later, another co-worker came by my desk, and she mentioned that she thought about me yesterday and she was concerned that I wouldn't want to eat pizza at our party.  She said she's noticed how well I've done, and that she knew I wouldn't want to eat pizza.  She actually asked our boss if it was ok to order something separate for me.  How awesome is that??!!!

I've mentioned before that I'm a very private person.  I have an extremely hard time sharing personal things with anyone, so I typically don't.  This is especially true of sharing my weight/food issues.  

When I began eating healthy in January, I didn't announce it to the world.  (Actually, I sort of did on this blog!) My family, yes.  Eventually I mentioned it at work, but not in any great detail and to only 1 or 2 people.  I have failed too many times, and I'm so self conscious about my weight that I don't like to talk about it. 

I also don't like to call attention to myself or my eating habits, so I certainly didn't want to ask for any kind of "special treatment" for this party.  I didn't think twice about it when someone asked if we could order wings since she doesn't like pizza.  I also didn't think anything of a friend asking if we could make sure that one of the pizza's is cheese only since she doesn't like toppings.  However, I didn't want to ask for special consideration.  Why is that?  

It was so nice to get such support from people, especially when I haven't even discussed my struggles with them.  Perhaps the lesson in all of this is that I do need to open up more.  Is the risk involved in sharing my struggles worth the support and accountability?   Not only did these two friends make me feel cared for and supported, but it helped me make a healthy choice rather than splurging on a food that could potentially result in days of cravings.  I was able to find a healthy grilled chicken salad on the menu, and I plan to enjoy it immensely!