Saturday, September 22, 2012

my story

Dear Diary,

I'm having a rough day.  Realizing that I'm back to a place that I never wanted to return to is tough.  As I've gained weight so rapidly due to binge eating, the changes seem to come so suddenly.  I can't walk to the mail box without getting winded.  I have no energy.  I avoid activity.  I'm noticing some back aches and knee pain that weren't an issue when I was on a healthy path.  I hate how I look.  When I'm eating healthy and off the food, I don't think I truly remember how all of this feels.

My sister mentioned a discussion that she'd had with coworkers recently about how all of us have a story.  Your story shapes so much about you.  When I think of my life, I think about how grateful I am for God, my kids, husband, sister, nieces and parents.  Not to mention extended family and friends.  These are what is most important to me, not material things.  However, the predominant theme of my life is always somehow related to my problems with food.

The question is - do I want my story to be one of defeat and depression or one of overcoming obstacles?


  1. I am reading you for the happy ending. I believe your journey will find the way there.

  2. I can so relate to everything you have written... I too suffer from binge eating. as i am reading this i am eating a bag of crackers...even though i had a bad binge a few hours ago... i feel sick and always pray it will not happen again but it does. i feel i need help but don't know where to start. i love reading your story(just found it last night) i pray you get to your goal... you sound like you are trying your hardest.. i will pray for myself also

  3. Jane - thanks so much for the encouragement!

    Anonymous - thanks for commenting. Sorry that you struggle with binge eating, too. It can be a monster. However, there is help. If you'd like to discuss options - send me an email.

  4. Melanie,
    Are you going to the October retreat for your support group? When does yours take place? I am going to miss my area's October retreat but I am going to a full recovery weekend in November.

    I hope you are okay.

  5. Hi Jane - thanks so much for checking in!!!! I really appreciate it. I'm going to the retreat; I'm not staying the entire weekend but I'm going all day Saturday. I have mixed emotions; I'm kind of looking forward to it but I'm very nervous too.

    I'm glad that you're able to go in November. Have you been to a retreat before?

  6. Where have you been? Hope everything is OK.

    1. Hi Anonymous - thanks so much for checking on me!! I'm going ok, I suppose. Still can't break this binge trend that I've been on. I've also had some other things going on that have caused a lot of stress. Posting more regularly would possibly be somewhat therapeutic, but everything I think about posting is depressing so I don't bother.

      I'm trying to look ahead, though, and find encouragement from others who struggle with this issue that have found peace and sanity.

      Take care!