Thursday, October 25, 2012

new day, fresh start

Dear Diary,

Today I will remain binge free.  The debit card will remain at home when I go to work so that I don't have the means to by binge foods.

Dear God,

Grant me the willingness to eat healthy and make healthy choices.  Be my strength today, because your strength is much stronger than my compulsive overeating issues.  Amen

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Back to Step 1

Dear Diary,

Around mid-day the cravings began.  I'd been binge free for 10 days, and hadn't really had too many cravings to speak of.  They seemed to come out of the blue.  Maybe there was a reason, but I haven't figured it out.  I still don't know if it's important to determine a reason or if it's ultimately irrelevant.

I texted a friend from my support group, thinking that would help.  When I left work, I should have called someone, but I didn't.  I chose to stop at the grocery store and buy binge foods.  I sat in the parking lot and ate.  I ate all the way home.  Then I began to feel sick.  I made one good choice - I threw the rest of the food away, which was about 3/4 of what I'd purchased.

I'm back to step 1, but still on the path to wellness.  Still fighting.  Still aware that there are other choices when issues arise.

Monday, October 22, 2012

baby shower

Dear Diary,

I went to a baby shower yesterday, and I handled it well.  Special occasions like this are very difficult for me.  I've handled the food at such events a variety of ways, many of which are unhealthy.

Option A - Eat nothing, then feel deprived and binge later.
Option B - Eat small amounts of everything that I like.  Then the sugar causes cravings which often results in a binge later.
Option C - If everyone else is overeating, join in.
Option D - Eat small amounts of only the healthy foods. Fruit, veggies, but no dip or cheese or other fatty foods.  Feel deprived, then go to the store to purchase some of the foods that I really wanted and overeat later.

This time, I ate fruit, veggies and dip, and crackers and cheese.  No cake, cookies, chocolate or punch.  This worked well!!  I enjoyed what I ate and didn't feel deprived.  I didn't have cravings afterwards.  Great balance.

Before I went to the shower, I prayed for help and I texted a friend so that I would be accountable.  I told myself "it's easier to say no than stop"and "the sugary foods aren't there for me, I don't eat them."  Notice that I didn't say "can't" eat them.  I "don't" eat them.  Somehow this small difference can mean a lot.  It means that I'm not depriving myself, but I'm making a healthy choice.

I also made a point to enjoy the people.  At this particular event, this wasn't easy because I didn't know very many of the people there.  But my daughter went with me, so I enjoyed her company.  I treated it as a "girl's day out" because it was a 30 minute trip each way, and the countryside was absolutely beautiful.

Looking forward to putting this approach into practice during the upcoming holidays!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

positive results

Dear Diary,

I can already see some positive results after only 7 1/2 days of being binge free!  

*I have more energy and I don't tire as easily.
*I spend more time concentrating on my family and friends than food.
*I have't wasted money on binge foods.
*I've already lost some weight.
*My mood is better.
*I'm not experiencing the mood swings that tend to occur with rapidly changing blood sugar levels.  

I'm so grateful to be binge free, and I look forward to continuing on this healthy path.  The most important change that this brings is that I'm closer to God.  I'm asking for his help, strength, and accepting his love and forgiveness rather than putting food in his place.


Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Quote from General George Patton, revised a bit to remove profanity:

"I don't want to get any messages saying, 'I am holding my position...... we are advancing constantly and we are not interested in holding onto anything......  Our basic plan of operation is to advance and to keep on advancing regardless of whether we have to go over, under, or through the enemy"

Are you simply holding your position, or are you learning, growing and changing?  Are you advancing toward healthy goals or are you stuck?

Saturday, October 13, 2012


Dear Diary,

I went to a retreat today with some members of my support group.  I'm so very grateful that I went.  It gave me hope.  I learned so much.  It's comforting to know that there are other compulsive overeaters that can completely relate to my struggles, and that many of them have been able, with the help of God and others who have "been there", maintain sanity.

Today was the first day in a long while that I didn't binge.  I pray that this experience will be a turning point for me.

Friday, October 12, 2012

something to think about

Saw a quote at that made me think.

“For every effect there is a root cause. Find and address the root cause rather than try to fix the effect.” -Celestine Chua

What do you think?  Does finding the root cause matter?  Is it essential to fixing your "issues"?

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

hurt feelings

Dear Diary,

I attended a Revival service at my parent's church tonight because my daughter was invited to sing.  I no longer attend this church because God called us elsewhere, but I know many of the people there.  The pastor is a wonderful man.  I feel very comfortable there, because I grew up there.  I was looking forward to going, and was proud of my daughter for sharing her talent.

The first person that I saw when I entered the church was an older lady that I've known since I was a child.  Sally* warmly welcomed us.  As I walked away, I heard another elderly lady, Jean*, that I don't know as well ask her who I was.  She said "that's John Smith's* daughter".  I was a fair distance away by that point, and Jean probably didn't realize that I could hear her.  She said "oh, yes.  she lost all of that weight and looked so good.  Then she gained it all back."  

Isn't church a place where we should feel love and accepted?  Isn't this type of behavior the reason why many people don't want to have anything to do with church?  I had to immediately put the conversation out of mind.  Otherwise, I would have either burst into tears or left the church.  I stayed, but became sharply aware of how uncomfortable I felt in my own skin.  Despite being dressed nicely and fashionably, I felt fat and ugly.  

God knew that my heart was aching, though.  The speaker's sermon was based on 1 Samuel 16.  The verse that I needed to hear was verse 7  "..... The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

I know that Jean didn't know I heard her.  I don't believe she would have hurt my feelings intentionally.  But they were hurt. 

*All names changed.