Thursday, May 31, 2012


I forgot to mention in my previous post that I'm considering trying a local Overeaters Anonymous meeting.  I took the initiative to call the contact person listed on the OA web site to confirm meeting details.  (This was a HUGE step for me).

I'm still not sure if I will go, but I need to do something about this current downward spiral.

living life to the fullest

Our church is having a picnic at a local park Sunday afternoon.  For several reasons, I really don't want to go.  First, I'm not a very social person.  I'm a homebody.  Second, we've only been attending this church a few months so I don't know anyone very well yet.  For an extrovert, this would be a perfect opportunity to make friends, for an introvert a situation like this can be difficult.  Next, there's the food issue.  What do I eat, what do I not eat etc. etc. etc.

Last, but not least, I know it sounds silly but there's the "what to wear" conundrum.  My self esteem is currently rather low because I've gained some weight.  My clothes don't fit well.  It will probably be rather warm this weekend, so something cool and comfortable would be in order.  I haven't worn shorts in years and that's not an option.  It would look silly to wear jeans or pants, and I would be uncomfortable.  I considered purchasing a maxi dress, but short heavy girls don't look good in maxi dresses.  The only other option I could think of was capri pants.  I don't think capri pants look good on short, heavy girls either.  However, I suppose it's better to wear not-so-flattering capri pants then to be terribly hot and look silly wearing jeans or slacks.

Yes, I realize to many people it may seem like I'm making far too big a deal of this.  Even if I didn't have the weight issues, due to anxiety and depression issues social situations are hard for me.  Add weight issues/insecurities and it's just easier to withdraw and stay at home.  My daughter will probably want to go, and I don't have the heart to tell her no because of my issues.

All of this reminded me of a similar situation about 15 years ago.  My husband was new at the company that he was working for, and they were having a regional meeting at a park about an hour away from us.  We were expected to attend, so I had little choice in the matter. I was overweight then, too.  I was probably about the same weight that I am now, but I hadn't been overweight for very long at that point.  I had the exact same issues when facing that event as I'm having now.  Social anxiety, food stress, new situation stress, and what-does-a-fat-girl-wear-to-a-sweltering-hot-picnic issues.  I remember settling on a knee length knit skirt  and knit top.  I didn't really love the choice, but it worked out ok.

This long post is to express that I'm sad that I haven't made progress in this area.  Yes, I'm unhappy with my weight.  However, I shouldn't stop living because of it.

Friday, May 25, 2012


As I drove past a local bakery today, I noticed that their sign said "We sell happiness".  Hmmm.  My initial reaction to this was one of disgust.  Of course that was largely based on my life long struggle with sugar.  Then I pondered this some more.

First, there's the fact that sugar does cause "happiness".  It increases the feel good chemicals in your brain to cause a temporary high.  Then I thought about the large number of happy events that involve treats from the bakery.  Birthdays, baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, Mother's Day, Father's Day......the list is endless.

This train of thought led to the southern (or perhaps even other areas of the country?) tradition of taking food to a family when there is a death.  Of course there is a practical reason for this; we don't want the family of the deceased to have to worry about the necessary tasks of life like cooking while they are in the midst of grieving.  On the other hand, this is the perfect example of comfort food.  Literally.  What do we take to grieving families?  Casseroles.  Pies.  Cakes.  Fried chicken.  Macaroni & cheese.  Does anyone take veggies?  Fruit?  Grilled chicken, perhaps.  Not really.

Does food bring happiness?  Yes.  Should it?  There's nothing wrong with enjoying food.  The problem begins when you're expecting food to do things that people should do rather than simply provide nourishment.  Like providing happiness and love.  Or perhaps expecting it to provide comfort and peace when God or a loved one should do that.

What are your thoughts?  Am I overanalyzing?

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

out of control

I can't seem to get back on track.  I'm disgusted with myself, and hate even writing this.  It seems so pathetic.  But it's the truth.  I've been eating horribly and exercise has been non-existant.  I know that I've probably gained a large amount of weight, as I tend to do when I'm bingeing every day.  The desire to eat sugar and carbs, for some insane reason, is defeating the desire I have to be healthy.

There is a part of me that just wants to give up.  This part of me says "Why bother?  You know you always go back to the sugar again."  However, there is a part of me that knows that I can't give up.  If I completely give up, I will quickly gain the weight that I've lost plus more.

Why is this so hard?

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Time to get serious

The past 6 months have been a wash when it comes to weight loss.  I've been the proverbial yo-yo dieter. Up and down, up and down.  The result being that I weigh about the same as I did 6 months ago.  While this is definitely a journey with no end, and it is made up of daily choices that should culminate in a healthy lifestyle, there is still an end when it comes to weight loss.  I need to get serious about this.

The past few days have included sugar.  Not huge binge amounts, but enough.  I will not accomplish my weight loss goals or my long term overall healthy lifestyle goals by doing this.  It's time to wake up and get back on track!!!!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Greek yogurt

I finally got around to giving greek yogurt another try.  For breakfast this morning, I mixed blueberries, greek yogurt, Splenda and almonds together.  It was really good!  I was pleasantly surprised.  I think it will be filling enough to hold me until lunch.

On another note, we're having a party at work on Tuesday for one of my co-worker's birthdays.  She is usually the party planner; since it's her party I volunteered to coordinate this time.  Not only is she the planner, she usually brings dessert, and she bakes really well.  I work very closely with her, and I want her day to be special, so I really wanted to have something home made for her.  No one else volunteered to bring the dessert, so I will be making cupcakes.  Dangerous, huh?

Fortunately, my daughter loves to bake so she will be helping me.  This will give me accountability so I won't be tempted to sample the finished product or lick the frosting off the knife.  She can do that :)  The other foods at the party will be safe.  We're getting party trays from a local deli that include sandwiches, fruit, and a cheese tray.  One of the sandwiches included is turkey on wheat.  I do need to be careful with the cheese, though.  That can quickly become a problem food.  My co-workers will hold me accountable.

Also - I went grocery shopping by myself Friday after work, and I didn't purchase junk!!!!!  Victory!!!!

Saturday, May 5, 2012

my 2nd 5k

I walked in my second 5K this morning!!!!  It was great.  I mentioned previously that my sister and I were walking twice a week together while my nieces were participating in Girls on the Run.  I'd never heard of this organization before.  It is extremely worthwhile.  Joining in with the girls over the past several months as they learn not only about good physical health but good mental and emotional health has been wonderful.

The 5K was held on a college campus and it was beautiful.  It was nice to have a scenic route.  It wasn't too tough; there were several hills but I did ok.  The last hill was a bit rough, but I kept pushing.  After all, most of the girls were running the 5K, so I certainly had no reason to complain about walking!

My time was 52 minutes.  I guess that's not too bad.  My first 5K was 54 minutes, so I improved a bit.  My sister and I plan to continue our routine of walking together twice a week even though Girls on the Run has ended for the season.  We found that it was great to have the time together.

Have you ever walked/ran a 5K?