Sunday, July 22, 2012

2 small goals

I'm continuing to follow Diane's suggestion (see her comment to my 7/17/12 post) to make several small goals.  Her recommendation was three, but I'm going with two.  I want to have two reasonable solid goals that will take a bit of work, but aren't currently unrealistic for me.

Confession time.  As I was considering my goals, I thought of several that I knew I could handle with very little effort.  Eat a healthy breakfast every day for x number of days.  Eat a healthy lunch every day for x number of days.  With very few exceptions, I've been doing this.  If I set a goal this easy, I'm only cheating myself.

Goal #1: no binge eating/overeating from 7/23/12 to 8/10/12.  Why these dates?  I'm beginning tomorrow because I'd be lying if I said that today didn't include some amount of overeating.  August 10 is the day prior to my son's first body building competition.  I'm ashamed and embarrassed of the weight I've recently gained, and that he'll have an overweight mom at this event.  The very least I can do is go with a clear conscience that I'm making healthier choices and turning things around.

Goal #2: exercise at least twice a week from 7/23/12 to 8/10/12.  I'm staying with the same dates since it just makes sense to me to do so.  There was a time that I did some form of exercise 6-7 days a week.  Lately, the number has been 0.  Twice a week is attainable.

I'll keep you posted regarding my progress.  Any encouragement is welcome!!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

following suggestions

Diane's comment on yesterday's post inspired today's post.  The reasons for losing weight sometimes seem so obvious, but having them in black and white and really examining them can be important.  Her idea for making three small goals is great too.  If I look at the long term, I get so overwhelmed that it's very difficult to realize that even small changes make a difference.

So - I might as well make this a public reminder for myself.

Reasons for losing weight:

1-God should be the number one priority in my life.  If I'm honest with myself, food is a huge priority.
2- My health.  I want to live a long, healthy life and be able to enjoy my children and any future grandchildren.  I don't want to be a burden to my family because I've made poor choices.
3- I want to look good.  Let's be honest - vanity is a big reason for wanting to lose weight.  I'm tired of being ashamed to wear short sleeves when it's 100 degrees outside.
4- Energy.  I like to have the energy to do normal things, rather than tiring easily.
5-No shame.  I hate being ashamed of my lack of control.  Yes, I believe that it's possible to be addicted to food.  However, I'm still fully responsible for what goes into my mouth.  I don't want my children to be ashamed of me either.
6-Avoidance.  I'm tired of avoiding people and events due to my weight.  When I catch a glimpse of someone I know in public, my first thought is "what weight was I when they last saw me".  How sad is that?  If I was thinner the last time that I saw them, odds are I'm going to try to avoid them.  And events?  That's another issue altogether.  How many things have a avoided due to my weight?  Water parks. Pool parties. It would take forever to mention them all.
7-Peace.  I want to feel peace rather than guilt, shame, anxiety and depression.

Three small goals will be a separate post after I've given it some thought.  What are your reasons for losing weight?

Tuesday, July 17, 2012


I feel like I'm in limbo right now.  I'm not actively trying to lose weight, though I definitely need to be.  The binges have slowed a bit, but haven't ended.  I haven't been exercising.

All of my choices aren't poor.  About 98% of the time I've been eating a healthy breakfast and lunch and I'm taking the vitamins that I need.  I haven't withdrawn from family and friends like I tend to do when I'm overeating on a regular basis.

At this point, I think I'd be content if I could at least maintain my weight rather than continuing to gain. I haven't posted my weight progress because I'm too ashamed to admit how much weight I've gained.

I still haven't completely given up.  To someone who doesn't understand food addiction/eating disorders it would appear that I have, but I haven't.  I've had a lot of experience in the past with days, weeks, months, even years of being in the "I don't care I'm going to eat what I want and I'll deal with the results later" phase.  I'm not there.

I need to find the motivation to get out of this part of the cycle and get back to a healthy place.  If I can't find the motivation, I need to find the determination to be healthy.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

swim suit torture

Does the thought of shopping for a swim suit make you shudder?  Do you feel an urge to crawl into a hole after examining yourself in the dressing room mirror? Is there anyone of the female persuasion above the age of 13 or so that enjoys this event?

I took my daughter swim suit shopping today.  She is thin, her weight is within the normal weight for her height/frame, and she is well proportioned.  However, shopping for a swim suit was stressful for her.  The stress was probably compounded by the fact that she is going to a pool party Friday evening, and it's a boy/girl event.

We had a good discussion about the fact that swim suit shopping is difficult for most of us.  Even those with "perfect" bodies will quickly find flaws when scantily clad.  (Not that I'm letting my 14 year old buy a skimpy bikini, mind you)  I also pointed out that guys her age are also stressed about what to wear to the pool.  Most of them don't have Channing Tatum's chest.  If they're overweight, they consider wearing a t-shirt at the pool.  If they're scrawny, they consider the t-shirt option at well.  Then some of them discard that idea because they know that everyone knows why they're leaving a t-shirt on, and this will invite attention and perhaps teasing.

I proceeded to remind her that most of the people at the party are more concerned about their own appearance than hers.  Fortunately, she doesn't struggle too badly with this but it still makes me sad.  I wish that my daughter could look at herself through my eyes. I wish that she was more confidant about her body image.  She's adorable and looks great in a swim suit.  But far more important than this - if she didn't look good in a swim suit she is still a beautiful person.

In the end, my daughter decided to wear last year's swim suit.  She didn't wear it very much, it's still a great style, and she liked it better than any of the suits that she tried on.

What do you say to your daughter/granddaughter/sister/niece/friend when she's discouraged about swim suit shopping?

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Wind Storm 2012

It's been an eventful few days.  We lost power around 9:30 p.m. Friday night due to a wind storm   it didn't come back on until about 4:00 p.m. yesterday.  When the temperatures are between 90 and 100 degrees every day, this is tough.  It's been difficult to find ice, water, gas, and stores that will accept payment other than cash. Thousands are still without electricity, and likely will be until at least Saturday.  Many have experienced damage to their homes, vehicles, and there have even been some deaths.

I have learned that there are many things, and people, that I take for granted.  I'm so blessed and grateful.

*All of my friends and family are healthy and safe.
*My son wasn't hurt when he went outside at the beginning of the storm to make sure his car windows were up.  I sent him out there - not realizing that this was much more than an average rain storm.
*Only a few of my friends have damaged homes, and they weren't physically harmed when the trees crashed during the storm.
*I live in a rural area, which means many people don't have water if there's no electricity.  This isn't the case for us.  A cold shower is far better than no shower.
*I feel loved.  Several friends and acquaintances, including some that I really don't know very well,  offered their homes, their food, their showers......anything that we may have needed.
*Despite anxiety issues, I was able to remain fairly calm and assist my son since he was very anxious about some of the practical ways that this effected his life. Even temporary things can cause great stress to a 20 year old trying to learn how to balance life and prioritize tasks.
*I spent some fun times with my daughter.  In the evening when we would likely be each doing our "own thing", we talked and played Uno and Scrabble.  :)
*I was reminded that I need to eat to live not live to eat.

I am blessed.