Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Benefits of healthy living

There is some irony to the fact that I spent today in binge hell.....I went to the doctor for my yearly physical and my blood work was phenomenal!!

As I've mentioned before, despite the fact that I've been severely overweight I haven't really developed any of the normal related health problems.  However, my blood work still showed some noticeable improvements.

For the first time last November, my triglycerides were up.  Normal is no higher than 150, mine was 159.  This year I'm at 79!  What an improvement!  My "bad" cholesterol was still within normal range at 112 last year, this year I'm at 88.  Glucose last year was at the high end of normal (100), this year that was 88.  My blood pressure is typically 120/80.  This year it was 108/80.   I won't bore you with the rest of the numbers, but everything had changed for the better.

This reinforces the benefits of staying on a healthy path for the rest of my life.  I need to continue fighting the urge to binge.  Based on these numbers, I plan to continue following a predominately vegan diet.

Out of the sugary carb filled pit of hell and back on plan!!

sugar pit

Last night's eating led me into the sugar pit of hell.  Actually, I shouldn't say that the eating led me there.  I allowed myself to go there.  Today was definitely a horrible blast from the past.  I planned the eating.  I did nothing to try to stop it.  I hate admitting what I ate; even if this blog is somewhat anonymous (I've told no one that I know about this blog) it's very embarrassing.

I feel that it is important to keep a record of what I've done so that I can learn from it.  So.....here we go.  (If you are prone to binges after reading about food  RED ALERT.  I started my day with my normal oatmeal with almonds and raisins.  I didn't have to work today, so I did a few things around the house then headed out to do some errands.  First, I ate a piece of chocolate fudge then 3 Reese peanut butter trees.  They were delicious, but after the first one I ate the others simply because they were there.  An hours or so later, I ate almost a whole serving of Italian cheese bread from Little Caeser's.  It was so very good, but again I should have/could have stopped after the first several pieces but I didn't.  I succumbed to the "all or nothing" thinking that I've found is extremely common among those with disordered eating patterns.

About an hour after that, I ate about 4 M & M ice cream sandwiches.  By this point, I was really starting to feel sick.  I know that this probably will sound crazy, but sometimes I really understand how people can become bulimic.  Please don't misunderstand.....I'm not in any way advocating this; I simply mean that I can relate to the thought process.  Fortunately, I have a severe aversion to vomiting so I've never tried to throw up after a binge.  This is definitely a blessing.  Otherwise, there is a good chance I would have went down that path at some point.

I finally sent a text to my son admitting my struggles so I'd have some accountability.  I'm not waiting until tomorrow to start over.  I'm starting over now.

Monday, November 28, 2011

eating for the wrong reasons

Once again I ate some things tonight that I shouldn't have.  It wasn't a full blown binge, but I wasn't hungry and I should have left food alone.  I guess it began earlier today when I began craving Reese cups.  I can't remember what prompted the cravings.....I think it was something simple like an ad in a sale circular.  I had forgotten about the Reese cups and moved on.  I ate my on plan dinner and exercised as usual.  As I was settling down for the evening, the urge to eat came back.  It had nothing to do with hunger, so what was it related to?  Perhaps loneliness?

There was a little bit of peanut butter left in a jar that I bought for my daughter.  Notice a trend here?  Apparently I'll need to ban peanut butter from the house; at least for a while.  I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on whole wheat.  Lots of peanut butter on the bread, and a few extra spoonfuls of peanut butter.  Then I ate some peanuts and chex mix.  Not too much; maybe a 1/2 cup full.  Then I ate a "salad".  The quotes are due to the fact that I'm using the word very loosely.  A little bit of lettuce, a ton of cheese quite a few croutons, and a large amount of dressing.  (It was fat free though.)

I don't like this trend.  The last time I did this was on the 23rd.  Only 5 days ago.  I shouldn't have eaten this stuff.  There was no real reason to do so.  Why did I?  There were so many things I could have done.  My son is home....I could have told him that I was struggling.  I could have prayed.  I could have read some of my past posts to remind myself of how I feel after I eat junk for something other than hunger.

Sometimes I get so frustrated and angry with this.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

effects of white bread

I'm having a little bit of trouble today with cravings.  I've been craving rolls.  It doesn't take a phd to realize that these cravings are directly related to the rolls, etc. that I ate on Thanksgiving day.  The question is - was it worth it?

I haven't decided the answer to that $1 million question yet.  Yes, I'm dealing with cravings today, however they are not overwhelming and completely consuming my thoughts like the cravings I have after eating sugar.

I don't want to overanalyze this, but I do want to be very observant and learn things about how my body and how it reacts to certain foods.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Thanksgiving results

Thanksgiving was really nice!!  I enjoyed spending time with my family.  For lunch I ate small amounts of all of my favorites.  I made sure to include turkey so I would have filling protein in my meal to help balance the carbs.  I didn't eat dessert.  I was very tempted by a lowfat cheesecake, but I knew even a small piece would be a bad idea.

For dinner, I again ate small portions of my favorites and included some turkey.  I did go back for a second roll and second medium/large serving of stuffing.  It was soooooo delicious.  I didn't eat dessert, I didn't overeat.  Dessert was even more tempting here.....but I didn't eat any.

It was so pleasant to focus on conversation with family and friends rather than completely focusing on the food.   It was also wonderful to feel good after each meal.  I didn't have that overstuffed/my pants are too tight/ I want a nap/ I ate so much I'm going to die  feeling.  

I'm calling this a successful holiday.  Hope you enjoyed yours, too!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011


I have so many things to be thankful for.  Here are just a few.

God - without him I can do nothing.

My family - my husband and kids are so precious to me.  As are my parents, my grandparents, my sister and my nieces.

Freedom - it's so easy to take this for granted.

There are many other things that I'm thankful for, but these are the most important.  The best things in life aren't really things.

Thanksgiving plan

Tomorrow we will have lunch at my sister's house and dinner at my father-in-law's house.  After pondering this for a week or so, I have decided on my eating plan.  I will not eat sugary desserts and treats.  It's just not worth it. If I could handle moderation, that would be fine.  But I know that I can't.  Sure, I may only eat one serving in front of everyone else, but that sugar will prompt me to crave more for days to come.  Fortunately, I don't like pumpkin pie, pecan pie or sweet potato pie so most of the traditional desserts won't be tempting to me.

I have decided to indulge in a few things that I don't currently eat on a regular basis.  I'm confidant that I will be able to have small servings of mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese and stuffing, enjoy them, and move on.   Sweet potatoes may not be on my plate, though.  It will depend on how they are prepared.  My step-mother-in-law is a weight watchers leader, so I think she'll probably have some sweet potatoes that are not loaded with marshmallows.  I haven't decided how to handle bread yet.  Since I've been eating healthy, on several occasions I've eaten one roll and I've been ok with that.  However, rolls can be part of the slippery slope to overeating so I may need to avoid them.

I will make sure to eat turkey at both meals.  I don't really like turkey very much, so most Thanksgiving I don't eat any.  I'd much rather fill up on all of the refined carbs.  This Thanksgiving will be different.  I know that the turkey is healthy and filling so it will be part of my meals.  

So this is my plan.  What is your plan?

overeating or bingeing?

I got hungry last night around 9pm.  This is unusual; I eat a dinner full of filling fiber and protein every evening to avoid the evening munchies.  For whatever reason, last night I got hungry.  I've learned over the years that 3 meals a day works well for me.  I know that many nutritionists recommend 4-6 smaller meals a day for a variety of reasons, but snacking just doesn't work for me.  I eat that small portion, and then think "where's the rest".

Anyway, feeling hungry at 9pm is not the end of the world.  I go to bed around 10pm, and I wasn't overly hungry so eating nothing was certainly an option.  Another good choice would have been a small but filling snack such as almonds.  I didn't do that.  Over a period of probably 20 minutes, I had 4 slices of cheddar cheese, 1 weight watchers wedge of low fat swiss, and a couple of handfuls of peanuts, almonds and chex mix.

My first reaction was to not mention this on the blog, and to move on.  It wasn't really a binge, was it?  At least not in the traditional sense, if there is such a thing.  However, does a "normal" (I use that term loosely) person that doesn't have disordered eating patterns do things like that?  I don't know.  Does it really matter what "normal" people do in comparison to how I eat?

Ultimately, what I did wasn't a smart choice for me and I want to make sure I document it.  I should have either went to bed, or ate a small snack.

I'm moving on, though.  I'll post more about Thanksgiving plans later.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

miracle of consistent size

As an adult, I don't think I've stayed the same size for more than a year or two at a time.  My weight has gone up and down (more often up) so frequently, that I never know from one season to the next what items in my closet will fit.  Since my weight has fluctuated so fast and by large amounts,  I haven't typically purchased clothing with the thought that it would be a staple in my wardrobe or something that I could wear for many years to come.  I haven't bothered with many of the "must have" pieces because I never could justify the expense of an investment item such as a basic navy blazer or a really nice cashmere sweater.  Yes, I've had some classic pieces such as black slacks, a white button down, etc. that can be purchased at reasonable prices and I would just purchase a different size as needed.

I look forward to wearing the same size from one season to the next.   It may seem like a silly thing, but I'm sure others of you understand this.  It will be fun to build a wardrobe with a sense of permanence rather than basing my purchase on what will work for this season only.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Candy Land

Yes, folks, it's true.  Candy Land is more than just a children's board game.  It is in every retail store!

I stopped by the drugstore today to get some makeup for my daughter's stocking.  (For you bargain shoppers out there....I got a great deal!  1 Cover girl 4 color eye shadow and 1 Cover girl 3 color eye shadow for a combined total of $2.78!!!!!)  I was shocked to see a large shelf in the makeup aisle full of candy!!!!!!!!  What. In. The. World.  I can only think that they ran out of space in the aisle where the rest of the Christmas candy was, so they put it there.  Of course, after my initial shock my eyes were immediately drawn to the 1 pound pack of Reese Cups.  Have you seen this monstrosity?  I have no doubt that there was a time that I could have eaten the entire pound in one sitting.  In fact, I probably could still do that.  But I won't.

As I wandered down the rest of the make up aisle, guess what?  More candy.  For some reason, there was a shopping cart full of reduced Halloween candy sitting in the middle of the aisle.  Is someone conspiring against me?  It's crazy to think that an innocent shopping trip for eye shadow results in face to  face temptation.

The Reese cups, and all of the rest of the candy, remained at the drugstore.  Someone else can buy that junk.  I will stick with make up!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

11 pounds lost!!!!

I've lost 11 pounds over the past month, which makes a total loss of 122 pounds!!

It was encouraging to talk to a friend and fellow sugar addict this morning.  He lost 40-50 pounds several years ago by admitting to himself that he needed to avoid sugar altogether.  He has kept off the weight!  That doesn't mean that he doesn't struggle occasionally, and he does give in to the urge to eat sugar sometimes. However, I admire him because he has kept the weight off and is far healthier than he was when he began his journey.

We can learn so much from someone who has been in our situation.  I hope that one day I will be able to help others who struggle with eatings disorders and food issues.

Monday, November 7, 2011

childhood obesity

In the past several years, the media has been full of reports of the rise of childhood obesity and related illnesses.  Diseases that were formerly only found in adults, such as Type 2 Diabetes, are now being found in children.  I thought of this after I had an interesting conversation with two ladies at work a few days ago.

We were discussing sugar and the cravings that many people have for it.  One of the ladies mentioned that her daughter did not allow her grandchild to have refined sugar for a "very, very long time".  I was expecting her to say that the child was 5, 6....maybe even 8 or 10 years old before eating sugar.  Nope.  Her grandchild was the ripe old age of 2 before she was allowed to have sugar.  Why does a 2 year old need sugar???!!!!  The other lady said that she knew some people who severely restricted their children's sugar intake, and she went on to say that she thought this was "cruel and unusual punishment".

Why are healthy foods the exception rather than the norm?  Why is it not  unusual to see a child with their baby bottle full of soda?  Why do we derive such pleasure from giving children ice cream, potato chips, french fries, etc. as soon as their able to eat solids?

Of course, I live in the south and in an area where obesity is unfortunately very prevalent.  Are other areas different....perhaps.

It's very sad to think that every generation seems to be less active and less healthy than the previous one. I can't change the world, but I can make an impact on my health and that of my family's.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Breaking news!!!!!!

Exercise reduces stress!!!  Are you shocked?  Of course not!  Everyone knows that.  Everyone except me, apparently.  I've never really understood that until recently.  I particularly noticed it today.

After I came home from work, I found out that my son's spring college tuition is due on December 8.  This was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.  It shouldn't have been a surprise, but for some reason I thought it wouldn't be due until January.  Tuition, Christmas, normal bills, taxes, my daughter's birthday......the bills for December are neverending

My stress level really increased, so I decided to go for a vigorous walk.  I did 4 laps on the route that I sometimes take that has a few hills instead of my normal 3 laps.  When I was done, I felt much better.
Amazing, isn't it?  I've never really enjoyed exercise.  Never really made it a permanent part of my routine. Now I see that exercise can be a wonderful stress reliever - much better than unhealthy habits like eating.  There are no bad side effects to using this to ease anxiety!!

During my walk, a car stopped beside me and a lady that I've never met complimented me on how good I look!  Apparently she often sees me walk and has noticed my weight loss progress.  It was so nice of her to take the time to mention this to me!  This was such an encouragement - it helped me make that extra lap rather than stopping at my normal 3.

A few hours later there was a few other things that happened that increased my anxiety, but I'm coping.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Back on plan

Today was a much better day.  As expected after eating sugar, I did have some cravings.  They haven't been too bad, though.  As I had the cravings, I again marveled at how quickly and easily I can forget how bad I feel after I've binged or overeaten.  For some reason, the same foods that sounded disgusting last night once again had a magical appeal.  I guess there are some things I may never understand.  Regardless of whether I understand it or not, I can win this battle.