not alone

I haven't been able to bring myself to post because I have nothing to say.  On second thought - that isn't entirely accurate.  I probably have plenty to say, but nothing that I'm not embarrassed or ashamed to share.

I've mentioned before that I am an "all or nothing" type of person.  To the extreme.  I'm either staying on plan, exercising, making healthy choices about everything from food to vitamins and losing weight or binge eating on a daily basis and gaining weight at an amazingly rapid speed.  Unfortunately, I'm in the binge-eating-on-a-daily-basis-and-gaining-weight-at-an-amazingly-rapid-speed mode.

No one wants to read about that.  I certainly don't want to write it.  However, I know that there are many people out there just like me.  Whether you label it food addiction, binge eating disorder, compulsive overeating.....it doesn't matter.  I recently read that binge eating disorder is more common than anorexia or bulimia.  But no one talks about it.

So......even though I don't want to write about how I'm struggling and the light at the tunnel is very dim right now, I'm doing it anyway.  Because about 4% of the population struggles with this too.  Hopefully there will be people who will read this and not feel so alone.

I have not lost hope.  I have not given up.  It may seem that I have based on the fact that I've admitted to binge eating on a daily basis, but I haven't.  By this point in my many, many cycles of "all or nothing" I have usually made a decision (sometimes conscious sometimes not) that I will not even try anymore.  I haven't done that this time.

One day at a time.