Monday, October 31, 2011

bad food day

My husband was out of town, my son was at a movie, and my daughter was upstairs getting ready for bed.  Where was I?  Eating.  I didn't eat any Halloween candy, which is a major accomplishment.  But I was craving peanut butter.  Maybe this craving began with thinking about all of the candy that's around me at work and all of the candy that my daughter got while trick or treating?

We actually had some peanut butter in the house, which is unusual.  I didn't even try to fight the cravings.  I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a few spoonfuls of peanut butter, some chex mix, and some toast with butter and jelly.  Not a full blown binge, but junk that I didn't need.

Now my stomach is full of fat, and it doesn't like it.  I don't like how I feel.  Why do I do this???!!!!!  The few moments of pleasure aren't worth it.

I keep telling myself that my "issues" with food aren't related to emotion.  It's all related to a sugar addiction and a general love of food.  Is this true?  Or are the experts right; am I using food to cope with negative emotions?   Is it not merely a coincidence that this occurred while my husband is out of town?   But if loneliness is connected to my overeating, why haven't I done it frequently during the past four weeks or so while my husband has been frequently out of town?

My goal is to have healthy eating habits and a healthy relationship with food.  I will focus on the success that I've had during the past 10 months, not the relatively few setbacks.  I'm determined that this will be the last time that I lose weight.  I will lose it, and keep it off.  I will learn from tonight, and move on.

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