A crime has been committed. (Cue theme to Dragnet, Monk, Hillstreet Blues.....any cop/detective show will do) Who is the perpetrator? Me. Who is the victim? My body. What is the motive? To savor the taste of sugar and feel the (temporary) effects of a sugar high. What is the punishment? Weight gain, shame, disgust, guilt, a loss of control, a self imposed prison.
Yes, I've done it. Once again I've succumbed to the allure of sugar. Every day since Friday I've binged on sugar. I know better. I know the long term effects, the short term effects, the abuse that I'm imposing on my body and mind. The list goes on and on.
Does this make me a bad person? Does this make me stupid because I'm going down the same road yet again that I know leads to a horrible place? I used to think so. Sometimes I still do. But feeling this way will only allow me to wallow in self pity and stay this course rather than going back to what I know to be best. Healthy eating, no sugar, no whites, exercise.
On a more positive note, I've signed up for my first 5k!!!!! I'm so excited. It is a walk/run, and I will be walking. My sister plans to sign up as well, and the registration fee is given to the American Cancer Society. My plan is to make this the first of many. I hope that this will be a step in the right direction to help motivate me to continue with healthy habits rather than self destructive ones.
As my blog title implies, this is a journey. I still have quite a bit more weight to lose, but more importantly I still have quite a way to go emotionally. Once I reach a healthy weight, I realize that the journey is not over. This will be a life long journey that I will take one food choice at a time. I'm not going to give up.
You have no idea how many times I binged on sugar while I claimed it was something else in the mix that caused the problem. I claimed tt wasn't sugar, it was the peanut butter, it wasn't sugar it was the salt, it wasn't sugar it was the air I breathe.
ReplyDeleteYou have come a long way just admitting you know what sugar does to you and how you know you need to get back on your sugarless horse. Honesty is a key ingredient in this recovery - keep sharing it - please, for all of us.
hugs!
Jane - you are such an encouragement to me, especially as someone with experience. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate your positive comments and your blog. Hugs to you, too :)
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