Monday, April 25, 2011

rough day

After yesterdays sugar intake, I expected today to be tough and it was.  It started out ok, but around lunch time I started craving chocolate.  I began planning my after work stop to buy junk.  After all, what's a little bit more when I already messed up yesterday?  What's another indulgence when I've lost almost 50 pounds?  I still have a lot more to go, what difference does a small binge make?

I would go to Kroger and buy one of those home made peanut butter eggs that has been haunting me.  After all, they'd be half price today!  If they were sold out, surely there would be some Reese eggs still there.  Then someone mentioned home made calzones. then I began craving pizza.  Then someone started eating E.L.Fudge cookies.  Ugh.

The agony.  As usual, the defeating thoughts began.  "Why can't I be normal and eat these things sometimes?" "Why do I have this problem?"

While eating my healthy lunch, I tried some of the tactics I've heard about or read about.  "How will I feel if I choose to buy that junk?"  "Yes, it's only one day but one day leads to another.  Then another. And one more."

My son has told me many times that I should text him when I'm having trouble.  As soon as I got into the car to leave work, I did that.  For me, it's not about the response.  Once I've sent the text, I know that if I do eat things that are unhealthy I will have to tell him.  It's all about accountability.

When I arrived home and opened the mail, I received the sweetest card from a lady who occasionally attends our church.  I know that it was no coincidence that it arrived today.  She was thanking me for the notes that I've sent her and telling me how much they've meant to her.  Please understand that I'm not saying this to "toot my own horn".   Actually, I've only sent her one or two cards and I'm ashamed to say those haven't been recent.  That card meant so much to me.

You see - it's so easy to allow an eating issue to define ourselves.  Our thought life gets so wrapped up in this.  How much do I weigh?  How much have I lost?  What should I eat today?  What can't I eat?

I'm more than an eating disorder.  I am a beautiful child of God, and with his help I can conquer this and move on to healthier, more rewarding things.


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