Thursday, May 26, 2011

learning to adapt

As you can probably tell from my previous posts, I don't really handle social events that involve food well. It causes me a fair amount of anxiety trying to decide whether to participate or not.  Then, if I decide to participate, there is stress over what to eat.

Last night, our church had a dinner at the pastor's house.  The menu consisted of hot dogs and the normal sides.  I can't eat beef, and I didn't really want to make a big deal of that by bringing turkey hot dogs or an alternate meal.  I also assumed that many of the side dishes would be full of fat and calories.  Due to this, my initial reaction was not to go.  As always, I didn't want to explain to anyone why I wasn't eating.

Since our pastor will be leaving our church soon, I decided that I shouldn't pass up the opportunity to spend time with him and his family and the rest of our church friends.  I ate my healthy dinner at home before going.  Guess what?  No one noticed that I didn't eat.  I can't seem to comprehend that no one is examining my actions.  Even if they are - so what?

Today, the company provided lunch for us.  I knew about it in advance, and decided to participate.  We ordered lunch from a local restaurant.  There were very few healthy lunch options.  I've eaten at this restaurant before, and their unhealthy items (fries, monte cristo sandwiches, chicken tenders) are good.  Of course, those weren't an option.  I chose a chef salad.   The salad consisted mostly of lettuce.  There were a few slices of cucumber, some tomatoes, a little bit of cheese and a bit of ham and turkey.  I chose low fat Italian dressing.  Perhaps it was a good thing that they were stingy with the ingredients - a lot of cheese could easily have raised the calories and fat content much higher than I'd like.

I hope that dealing with events will gradually get easier.  I'd love to learn to be confidant in making healthy choices when the majority of people aren't, while also learning what foods I can occasionally "splurge" on without having lots of cravings for days afterward.  I'd also love to get to the point where I see all of the decisions involved as being simple.  I have too much emotion and history involved with food, so it's difficult.

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