sugar pit

Last night's eating led me into the sugar pit of hell.  Actually, I shouldn't say that the eating led me there.  I allowed myself to go there.  Today was definitely a horrible blast from the past.  I planned the eating.  I did nothing to try to stop it.  I hate admitting what I ate; even if this blog is somewhat anonymous (I've told no one that I know about this blog) it's very embarrassing.

I feel that it is important to keep a record of what I've done so that I can learn from it.  So.....here we go.  (If you are prone to binges after reading about food  RED ALERT.  I started my day with my normal oatmeal with almonds and raisins.  I didn't have to work today, so I did a few things around the house then headed out to do some errands.  First, I ate a piece of chocolate fudge then 3 Reese peanut butter trees.  They were delicious, but after the first one I ate the others simply because they were there.  An hours or so later, I ate almost a whole serving of Italian cheese bread from Little Caeser's.  It was so very good, but again I should have/could have stopped after the first several pieces but I didn't.  I succumbed to the "all or nothing" thinking that I've found is extremely common among those with disordered eating patterns.

About an hour after that, I ate about 4 M & M ice cream sandwiches.  By this point, I was really starting to feel sick.  I know that this probably will sound crazy, but sometimes I really understand how people can become bulimic.  Please don't misunderstand.....I'm not in any way advocating this; I simply mean that I can relate to the thought process.  Fortunately, I have a severe aversion to vomiting so I've never tried to throw up after a binge.  This is definitely a blessing.  Otherwise, there is a good chance I would have went down that path at some point.

I finally sent a text to my son admitting my struggles so I'd have some accountability.  I'm not waiting until tomorrow to start over.  I'm starting over now.