Today is my 38th birthday. It's a good time to reflect on my past, learn from it, and move toward future goals. It's also a great time to take note of my many blessings.
In some ways, it seems like just yesterday I was graduating from high school. In other ways, that seems light years away. It's amazing how slowly time seems to pass when you're in school. After that, it passes so very quickly.
A wise elderly lady once told me that these are the best years of my life. She reminded me to make sure that I appreciate them. It is so easy to get caught up in work, raising kids, appointments, paying bills, and all of the other details of life that we don't stop to savor the important things.
I am blessed.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Anatomy of an eating disorder
I've struggled with cravings a bit today. Not too badly, but I've had them. After yesterdays binge, I fully expected it. Why is it that our brain apparently doesn't fully remember that the binge wasn't very fun? That the after effects aren't worth it? That the food doesn't really taste that good? I think if we could remember exactly how we felt after a binge, we would have an easier time resisting the urge in the future.
Whatever food it is them I'm craving, it always tastes better in my mind than it does in reality. Yes, some of the foods I love are delicious. But are they as heavenly as we seem to think they are when we're in the midst of an overwhelming desire to get our hands on that item, and in large quantities?
I guess maybe we are wired this way for a reason. Protection, perhaps? After all, if we remembered exactly what childbirth felt like would any woman have more than 1 child :)
Whatever food it is them I'm craving, it always tastes better in my mind than it does in reality. Yes, some of the foods I love are delicious. But are they as heavenly as we seem to think they are when we're in the midst of an overwhelming desire to get our hands on that item, and in large quantities?
I guess maybe we are wired this way for a reason. Protection, perhaps? After all, if we remembered exactly what childbirth felt like would any woman have more than 1 child :)
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
What can I learn from this?
Note to self: it's NOT worth it. I feel yucky. Ultimately, I would have enjoyed a healthy dinner much more than the silly junk that I binged on. Sugary things are sickening now. They do not hold the allure that they did in the past.
It's NOT worth it.....but I am worth taking good care of. I am worth eating healthy, exercising and feeling good about myself.
Insanity is doing the same thing time after time but expecting different results. It's time to be sane.
It's NOT worth it.....but I am worth taking good care of. I am worth eating healthy, exercising and feeling good about myself.
Insanity is doing the same thing time after time but expecting different results. It's time to be sane.
Why can't I be normal?
I'm home alone and just binged. Why can I eat healthy without any problem many days, but then have such a difficult time other days? I'm so ashamed and embarrassed and disgusted with myself. Not to mention that I feel nauseous and sick. Eating disorder or not, I CHOSE to do this. In the interest of being honest with myself, this is what I ate. Two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, a small bowl full of chex mix, two pieces of toast with real butter and jelly, and a salad with real cheese, croutons and bacon bits. Kind of weird. Were these foods even "worth it"? No. I came very close to driving to the grocery store for ice cream and chips and dip. I didn't, though. Perhaps I should be proud of that?
It seems as if peanut butter shouldn't be in my house. It seems so ridiculous to ask my family to not keep something so simple and basic in the house, though. I don't feel guilty not having cookies, candy, ice cream, etc. in the house. No one needs that junk, anyway. But peanut butter?
I had options. I could have not stayed home alone. I could have sent a text/called my son or my husband. But I didn't. Why? I guess because the desire to eat what I wanted to eat was more than the desire to not binge.
I've been thinking about the "diet" and binge cycle. Is restricting myself from certain foods making the desire to binge worse? Should I "allow" myself the foods I crave (on occasion, in small amounts) so I don't end up bingeing on them at some point? I really don't think that's the answer. I don't think that moderation is an option for me.
I wish that there could be a step by step process that I could put into place that would result in no binges. Something I could do when the desire to binge becomes a struggle. I need to work on that.
It seems as if peanut butter shouldn't be in my house. It seems so ridiculous to ask my family to not keep something so simple and basic in the house, though. I don't feel guilty not having cookies, candy, ice cream, etc. in the house. No one needs that junk, anyway. But peanut butter?
I had options. I could have not stayed home alone. I could have sent a text/called my son or my husband. But I didn't. Why? I guess because the desire to eat what I wanted to eat was more than the desire to not binge.
I've been thinking about the "diet" and binge cycle. Is restricting myself from certain foods making the desire to binge worse? Should I "allow" myself the foods I crave (on occasion, in small amounts) so I don't end up bingeing on them at some point? I really don't think that's the answer. I don't think that moderation is an option for me.
I wish that there could be a step by step process that I could put into place that would result in no binges. Something I could do when the desire to binge becomes a struggle. I need to work on that.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
new exercise
I've been walking 6 or 7 days a week for 20-40 minutes for a while now, and it has become a pleasant part of my routine. I don't think I would go so far as to say that I love it, but I do enjoy it. I think it's a good stress reliever. My son, the fitness buff, mentioned that I should do something more challenging. My knee jerk reaction is that I'm content with the status quo. He hates when I use the "content" word. It is his opinion that we should never be content; we should always be challenging our fitness level and looking for ways to eat healthier.
Quite a number of years back, I did Tae-bo DVD's with a fair amount of frequency. I'm not very coordinated, so the first challenge was to figure out how to do all of the steps! I found one of my old DVD's and I did that last night. I did better than I thought! Even though I've lost quite a bit of weight, I'm still much heavier than I was when I was using the DVD on a regular basis. I remembered how to do most of it, and I was able to complete most of the DVD. I still don't know that I'm ready for it yet. I had to modify some of it, and (warning....too much information ahead.......) if I want to start doing this on a regular basis I would need to purchase a good sports bra because everything is far too jiggly!!!
I know....excuses, excuses. I haven't decided yet if I will continue walking but increase the intensity and/or time or if I will incorporate Tae-bo into my routine.
Any suggestions?
Quite a number of years back, I did Tae-bo DVD's with a fair amount of frequency. I'm not very coordinated, so the first challenge was to figure out how to do all of the steps! I found one of my old DVD's and I did that last night. I did better than I thought! Even though I've lost quite a bit of weight, I'm still much heavier than I was when I was using the DVD on a regular basis. I remembered how to do most of it, and I was able to complete most of the DVD. I still don't know that I'm ready for it yet. I had to modify some of it, and (warning....too much information ahead.......) if I want to start doing this on a regular basis I would need to purchase a good sports bra because everything is far too jiggly!!!
I know....excuses, excuses. I haven't decided yet if I will continue walking but increase the intensity and/or time or if I will incorporate Tae-bo into my routine.
Any suggestions?
Saturday, August 13, 2011
93 pounds lost!
I've lost 7 pounds over the last month, for a grand total of 93 pounds lost!! Every time I write something like this, my natural inclination is to mention that I still have a lot to lose. I need to learn to celebrate without reserve! Yay me!
On another note, the last few days have been very difficult. Not regarding food, but life in general. I really don't want to go into it right now, but my stress level is very high. Fortunately, I haven't turned to food and I intend to keep it that way.
On another note, the last few days have been very difficult. Not regarding food, but life in general. I really don't want to go into it right now, but my stress level is very high. Fortunately, I haven't turned to food and I intend to keep it that way.
Monday, August 8, 2011
food associations
It's interesting how strong our associations can be between certain foods and a specific place, person or event.
For many years when I was a kid, my sister and I would spend the night with my grandparents every Friday while mom and dad had "date night". Granny and Grandaddy spoiled us rotten. As we got a little older, they set up a separate room for us with a sofa, chair and TV so we could watch what we wanted to (Dukes of Hazzard!) rather than what they liked (game shows).
Granny was the best cook. Her pancakes were so light and fluffy and cake-like. She would ask us every Friday night what we wanted for breakfast Saturday morning, and fix whatever we asked for. We would eat breakfast in our pj's, then lazily watch cartoons.
They always kept a stash of candy for us. Back then, you could occasionally buy candy bars 4 for $1. When they were on sale, Granny would buy enough to last until the next sale. Every Friday night, my sister and I could each pick the candy bar that we wanted. Sometimes she would buy the 1 pound bag of M & M's to last us for a few weekends. My sister and I would painstakingly count out the same amount for each of us.
Even today, all I have to do is look at M & M's and I think of Friday night at my grandparents. The smell and taste of those small candies is heavenly to me. I would eat them one by one, and eat the candy shell first. Then I would let the remaining chocolate melt in my mouth. Even hearing someone mentioning M & M's makes me feel all warm and cozy inside.
Food can be so powerful, can't it? However, we do have control over it. We can allow ourselves to control food or food to control us.
For many years when I was a kid, my sister and I would spend the night with my grandparents every Friday while mom and dad had "date night". Granny and Grandaddy spoiled us rotten. As we got a little older, they set up a separate room for us with a sofa, chair and TV so we could watch what we wanted to (Dukes of Hazzard!) rather than what they liked (game shows).
Granny was the best cook. Her pancakes were so light and fluffy and cake-like. She would ask us every Friday night what we wanted for breakfast Saturday morning, and fix whatever we asked for. We would eat breakfast in our pj's, then lazily watch cartoons.
They always kept a stash of candy for us. Back then, you could occasionally buy candy bars 4 for $1. When they were on sale, Granny would buy enough to last until the next sale. Every Friday night, my sister and I could each pick the candy bar that we wanted. Sometimes she would buy the 1 pound bag of M & M's to last us for a few weekends. My sister and I would painstakingly count out the same amount for each of us.
Even today, all I have to do is look at M & M's and I think of Friday night at my grandparents. The smell and taste of those small candies is heavenly to me. I would eat them one by one, and eat the candy shell first. Then I would let the remaining chocolate melt in my mouth. Even hearing someone mentioning M & M's makes me feel all warm and cozy inside.
Food can be so powerful, can't it? However, we do have control over it. We can allow ourselves to control food or food to control us.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
peanut butter
I succumbed to the peanut butter monster. I've been craving stuff off and on for days. Peanut butter. Pizza. And more. This afternoon, I ate 2 peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwiches on white bread. I don't even really like white bread. I've eaten wheat bread for years. We typically don't even have white bread in the house. For some reason, the lure of white bread and peanut butter together was very strong.
I feel guilty, but I also feel a bit relieved. I know that probably sounds crazy. It's sort of like, ok. I've felt this coming for weeks. I finally gave in. I can move on now. Should this tell me that I should include peanut butter in my healthy eating plan so I don't create the "forbidden fruit" that eventually causes a binge? I'm not sure.
Not to rationalize or justify what I did, but it could have been much worse. Two peanut butter sandwiches is nothing compared to what I've binged on in the past. However, it's the behavior that isn't healthy. It wasn't about hunger. It was about cravings, and I suppose stress. It's the sneakiness about it. I'm mortified to admit this, but in the interest of being honest with myself I will. As I had almost completed making the sandwiches, I heard my daughter walking down the steps. I quickly grabbed the sandwiches and went to the bathroom and locked the door. I ate them in the bathroom so my daughter wouldn't see the binge. This is one of the sad and embarrassing aspects of binge eating disorder.
I'm not proud of this, but I'm going to put it behind me and move on.
I feel guilty, but I also feel a bit relieved. I know that probably sounds crazy. It's sort of like, ok. I've felt this coming for weeks. I finally gave in. I can move on now. Should this tell me that I should include peanut butter in my healthy eating plan so I don't create the "forbidden fruit" that eventually causes a binge? I'm not sure.
Not to rationalize or justify what I did, but it could have been much worse. Two peanut butter sandwiches is nothing compared to what I've binged on in the past. However, it's the behavior that isn't healthy. It wasn't about hunger. It was about cravings, and I suppose stress. It's the sneakiness about it. I'm mortified to admit this, but in the interest of being honest with myself I will. As I had almost completed making the sandwiches, I heard my daughter walking down the steps. I quickly grabbed the sandwiches and went to the bathroom and locked the door. I ate them in the bathroom so my daughter wouldn't see the binge. This is one of the sad and embarrassing aspects of binge eating disorder.
I'm not proud of this, but I'm going to put it behind me and move on.
"new" clothes
Someone at work recently commented on my weight loss. She is also in the process of trying to lose a fairly large amount of weight, so she can definitely understand this journey.
Today, she mentioned that she could particularly notice my weight loss because of what I was wearing. I was actually wearing a cardigan and shell in a great clover green color. It has been in my closet for probably 5 years or more, and I haven't been able to wear it for a very long time. I tried it this morning, and at first I thought it was still a little too tight. However, after studying my reflection for a little longer I decided that it was ok.
I think that those of us who struggle with our weight, particularly if you've been a "yo-yo dieter" and have had drastic weight changes, can sometimes have a difficult time determining if clothes fit properly. That probably sounds crazy, but it's true. I think we have a tendency to wear items a little too loosely to try to hide our imperfections.
It was nice to get a compliment, and it was nice to be able to wear something "new" that was apparently flattering!
Today, she mentioned that she could particularly notice my weight loss because of what I was wearing. I was actually wearing a cardigan and shell in a great clover green color. It has been in my closet for probably 5 years or more, and I haven't been able to wear it for a very long time. I tried it this morning, and at first I thought it was still a little too tight. However, after studying my reflection for a little longer I decided that it was ok.
I think that those of us who struggle with our weight, particularly if you've been a "yo-yo dieter" and have had drastic weight changes, can sometimes have a difficult time determining if clothes fit properly. That probably sounds crazy, but it's true. I think we have a tendency to wear items a little too loosely to try to hide our imperfections.
It was nice to get a compliment, and it was nice to be able to wear something "new" that was apparently flattering!
Monday, August 1, 2011
pizza party results
Lunch went well today! It didn't really bother me to eat my grilled chicken salad while everyone else ate pizza. We ate lunch about an hour earlier than I typically do, so I wasn't starving so I think that helped a lot.
When I got home, I was hungry which is not typical. Usually I don't get hungry until fairly close to dinner. I think it was partially due to the fact that the salad wasn't particularly filling. I also feel that it's partly stress related.....my husband's job loss and the related financial issues are beginning to "sink in".
I began craving peanut butter. I'm not going down that slippery road to binge land, though!! No need to have victory over pizza then loss over peanut butter!!!!
When I got home, I was hungry which is not typical. Usually I don't get hungry until fairly close to dinner. I think it was partially due to the fact that the salad wasn't particularly filling. I also feel that it's partly stress related.....my husband's job loss and the related financial issues are beginning to "sink in".
I began craving peanut butter. I'm not going down that slippery road to binge land, though!! No need to have victory over pizza then loss over peanut butter!!!!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
blessings abound
I've always known that I'm truly blessed to have a great family and great friends. It is so evident in times like this, though. In the short time since we've shared with only a small group of close family and friends that my husband lost his job, we've received emails and calls of encouragement, a $25 gift card for gas, garden fresh tomatoes, some school supplies for my daughter, and a few other things.
A friend who is in a much tougher financial situation than we are offered to provide us with some groceries. How sweet and thoughtful is that?
Right now, we're actually ok financially. We will have to re-adjust our budget, but we will be able to meet our needs and already have plenty of our wants. It's not so much the actual items that have been given to us during this unexpected difficult time that means so much, but the love that motivates these gifts.
We are truly blessed.
A friend who is in a much tougher financial situation than we are offered to provide us with some groceries. How sweet and thoughtful is that?
Right now, we're actually ok financially. We will have to re-adjust our budget, but we will be able to meet our needs and already have plenty of our wants. It's not so much the actual items that have been given to us during this unexpected difficult time that means so much, but the love that motivates these gifts.
We are truly blessed.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Bad News
My husband lost his job yesterday. His position was eliminated. It was completely unexpected. I have complete faith that God will take care of us, and he has a plan for my husband's next job. That doesn't mean that I'm not experiencing a myriad of emotions though. Fear, anger, bitterness, etc. I feel so bad for him. It's so hard for him not to take this personally. Even though he knows that the economy is still bad, and that he was told that his performance was wonderful, I'm sure it's still a blow to his ego.
I'm trying to get past the negative emotions and move on to the practical matters of tightening the budget, distinguishing our needs between our wants, and helping him look for a new job.
I need to be careful that this stressful situation doesn't become an excuse to use food in ways that food shouldn't be used. Food is nourishment. It is not comfort.
I'm trying to get past the negative emotions and move on to the practical matters of tightening the budget, distinguishing our needs between our wants, and helping him look for a new job.
I need to be careful that this stressful situation doesn't become an excuse to use food in ways that food shouldn't be used. Food is nourishment. It is not comfort.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
unexpected help
Yesterday was a hard day. I was already contemplating how to handle the pizza party at work. Then we had pizza at church last night. I felt like I was being consumed (no pun intended) by thoughts of pizza!! I knew about the dinner in advance, and I almost decided not to go. There was a meeting after dinner that I felt I should attend so I went. I ate a healthy, filling dinner at home, so I thought I'd be ok. Wrong. I enjoyed talking with people, but watching everyone eat pizza was very difficult. I wanted to leave church, go to the pizza restaurant, and buy an entire pizza to eat by myself. When I got home I went for a walk. That helped enormously. Due to my frustration at the strong cravings I was having, I was able to increase my speed quite a bit!!
This morning I was struggling again on the way to work. For some reason, I began thinking about peanut butter. I love peanut butter. It is definitely a "trigger" food so I've been avoiding it. Then I began thinking about one of my favorite Little Debbie Snack cakes. Then ice cream. I began considering going to purchase some of these items after work. Then.....when I was walking to my desk I passed by someone who had a package of Reese cup cookies on their desk. Ugh. Here we go with the peanut butter cravings again.
When I began reading my emails, I noticed one from the person who is handling the details of our pizza party next week. She explained that she knows that I have been eating healthy, and that she assume that I wouldn't want to eat pizza. She asked if there was something else she could order from the restaurant for me. How sweet was that??!!
That brightened my day. At that point, I replied that I couldn't remember which restaurant she had decided to go with, but I didn't think any of the several that she was deciding between would have anything healthy. I told her that I was still deciding whether I should "splurge" or simply not participate.
About 15 minutes later, another co-worker came by my desk, and she mentioned that she thought about me yesterday and she was concerned that I wouldn't want to eat pizza at our party. She said she's noticed how well I've done, and that she knew I wouldn't want to eat pizza. She actually asked our boss if it was ok to order something separate for me. How awesome is that??!!!
This morning I was struggling again on the way to work. For some reason, I began thinking about peanut butter. I love peanut butter. It is definitely a "trigger" food so I've been avoiding it. Then I began thinking about one of my favorite Little Debbie Snack cakes. Then ice cream. I began considering going to purchase some of these items after work. Then.....when I was walking to my desk I passed by someone who had a package of Reese cup cookies on their desk. Ugh. Here we go with the peanut butter cravings again.
When I began reading my emails, I noticed one from the person who is handling the details of our pizza party next week. She explained that she knows that I have been eating healthy, and that she assume that I wouldn't want to eat pizza. She asked if there was something else she could order from the restaurant for me. How sweet was that??!!
That brightened my day. At that point, I replied that I couldn't remember which restaurant she had decided to go with, but I didn't think any of the several that she was deciding between would have anything healthy. I told her that I was still deciding whether I should "splurge" or simply not participate.
About 15 minutes later, another co-worker came by my desk, and she mentioned that she thought about me yesterday and she was concerned that I wouldn't want to eat pizza at our party. She said she's noticed how well I've done, and that she knew I wouldn't want to eat pizza. She actually asked our boss if it was ok to order something separate for me. How awesome is that??!!!
I've mentioned before that I'm a very private person. I have an extremely hard time sharing personal things with anyone, so I typically don't. This is especially true of sharing my weight/food issues.
When I began eating healthy in January, I didn't announce it to the world. (Actually, I sort of did on this blog!) My family, yes. Eventually I mentioned it at work, but not in any great detail and to only 1 or 2 people. I have failed too many times, and I'm so self conscious about my weight that I don't like to talk about it.
I also don't like to call attention to myself or my eating habits, so I certainly didn't want to ask for any kind of "special treatment" for this party. I didn't think twice about it when someone asked if we could order wings since she doesn't like pizza. I also didn't think anything of a friend asking if we could make sure that one of the pizza's is cheese only since she doesn't like toppings. However, I didn't want to ask for special consideration. Why is that?
It was so nice to get such support from people, especially when I haven't even discussed my struggles with them. Perhaps the lesson in all of this is that I do need to open up more. Is the risk involved in sharing my struggles worth the support and accountability? Not only did these two friends make me feel cared for and supported, but it helped me make a healthy choice rather than splurging on a food that could potentially result in days of cravings. I was able to find a healthy grilled chicken salad on the menu, and I plan to enjoy it immensely!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
yet another pizza party
We're having a pizza party at work on Monday. I guess it's actually been a while since we've had a party. While I've been eating healthy, my initial reaction has been to avoid something like this. This time, I'm undecided. My first reaction is to splurge and have pizza. Then I think about all of the fat that's in pizza, and I think about the potential for a splurge to lead to cravings for a day or two.
I probably need to decide in advance what I should do. Any advice?
I probably need to decide in advance what I should do. Any advice?
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Oops!!
Oh no!!! I think I somehow deleted all of my comments!! Sorry - I know there isn't a large amount of traffic on my blog, but I do greatly appreciate all of the kind comments that I've received. Sorry they are gone :(
Friday, July 22, 2011
repeat
Still having lots of food cravings today. I'm not certain of the cause; as I mentioned yesterday I assume being around lots of food during our trip might be to blame. Thought I ate healthy, the fat content in some of the foods I ate was higher than I'm accustomed to so that probably didn't help.
About mid-day, my mind was filled with thoughts of food. That was all I could seem to think about. The cravings and the inner struggle seemed to be building to the point that the only way I could find relief was to give in to the inevitable and go to the grocery store after work and buy lots of junk. I rationalized that this seemed to be the type of event (for lack of a better word) that in the past has gotten to the point where I gave in to the urge to binge and was actually able to move on fairly quickly rather than either eat junk for days or crave junk food for days. How can I possibly know that this would happen? Even if I could binge and not have trouble afterwards, is that a good enough reason to behave in such a manner? I need to change my pattern of thinking. A binge should never be inevitable!
As I was struggling, someone commented on my weight loss. This person is also in the process of losing weight so we talked for a minute about healthy habits. That helped a bit. I then texted my son. I came very close to not doing so because I didn't want to. The rebellious inner child in me didn't want the accountability. But I texted him anyway. That helped quite a bit. He mentioned that he is having trouble today too. He is trying to lose his last 5 or 10 pounds and is doing so by carb cycling. It seems to be working, but it's very tough. Saturday and Sunday are no carb days for him. That makes my struggle seem minor!
Another great reason not to buy all of the junk food that I'd love to binge on - it's over 100 degrees!!!! The stuff would melt between the grocery store and my car!!
After the encouragement and with the help of some strongly flavored gum, I was able to get out of that struggle and am doing much better now. I'm so glad that I didn't succumb to temptation. I need to remember how that feels so I can use it as a reminder the next time I'm having difficulty!
About mid-day, my mind was filled with thoughts of food. That was all I could seem to think about. The cravings and the inner struggle seemed to be building to the point that the only way I could find relief was to give in to the inevitable and go to the grocery store after work and buy lots of junk. I rationalized that this seemed to be the type of event (for lack of a better word) that in the past has gotten to the point where I gave in to the urge to binge and was actually able to move on fairly quickly rather than either eat junk for days or crave junk food for days. How can I possibly know that this would happen? Even if I could binge and not have trouble afterwards, is that a good enough reason to behave in such a manner? I need to change my pattern of thinking. A binge should never be inevitable!
As I was struggling, someone commented on my weight loss. This person is also in the process of losing weight so we talked for a minute about healthy habits. That helped a bit. I then texted my son. I came very close to not doing so because I didn't want to. The rebellious inner child in me didn't want the accountability. But I texted him anyway. That helped quite a bit. He mentioned that he is having trouble today too. He is trying to lose his last 5 or 10 pounds and is doing so by carb cycling. It seems to be working, but it's very tough. Saturday and Sunday are no carb days for him. That makes my struggle seem minor!
Another great reason not to buy all of the junk food that I'd love to binge on - it's over 100 degrees!!!! The stuff would melt between the grocery store and my car!!
After the encouragement and with the help of some strongly flavored gum, I was able to get out of that struggle and am doing much better now. I'm so glad that I didn't succumb to temptation. I need to remember how that feels so I can use it as a reminder the next time I'm having difficulty!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
lots of cravings
I can't seem to get my mind off of food today. Lots of cravings for sugary treats. I assume that it has to do with the increased exposure to junk food over the last several days. I didn't eat any of it, but visual stimulation can be powerful sometimes. Not to mention, that within about 15 minutes of arriving at work this morning I was offered cookies, muffins and candy.
The cravings have been frequent, but they haven't been those overwhelming I'm going to die if I don't eat this kind. I've easily been able to immediately remind myself that eating junk isn't worth it. A few minutes of pleasure would be so minor compared to the days of continued cravings that would follow. It's still annoying to constantly have thoughts of food popping into my head.
My husband will be out of town until Sunday afternoon/evening. I try to tell myself that this has nothing to do with my eating habits, but I think it does. I am a very independent person, so intellectually it doesn't really seem that his being away from home effects my eating habits. However, if I look at my track record I think it does. I'm not sure if I get more lonely than what I think I do, or if it has simply been a matter of having more opportunity to eat junk with no accountability. Either way, I need to be super vigilant right now.
One day at a time. Actually, make that one hour at a time today.
The cravings have been frequent, but they haven't been those overwhelming I'm going to die if I don't eat this kind. I've easily been able to immediately remind myself that eating junk isn't worth it. A few minutes of pleasure would be so minor compared to the days of continued cravings that would follow. It's still annoying to constantly have thoughts of food popping into my head.
My husband will be out of town until Sunday afternoon/evening. I try to tell myself that this has nothing to do with my eating habits, but I think it does. I am a very independent person, so intellectually it doesn't really seem that his being away from home effects my eating habits. However, if I look at my track record I think it does. I'm not sure if I get more lonely than what I think I do, or if it has simply been a matter of having more opportunity to eat junk with no accountability. Either way, I need to be super vigilant right now.
One day at a time. Actually, make that one hour at a time today.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Successful trip!
I'm happy to say that I stayed on plan during our mini vacation! I ate oatmeal with cherry flavored craisins every morning for breakfast. For lunch, I had soup and fruit one day, a Subway grilled chicken sub (no cheese, no mayo) for lunch one day, and a Firehouse sub for lunch another day. I actually had never eaten at Firehouse Subs, so I made what I assumed was a healthy choice. I just read the nutrition info on their web site, and I am a bit surprised. The calories were higher than I expected. I don't think I really made a bad choice, though. For dinner, I had a sub one evening and grilled dijon chicken and portebellos at Applebee's one evening. (Which was delish and filling!!)
I know to some of you these choices may sound boring, but variety isn't typically important to me. Staying on plan wasn't too difficult. There were moments, though, that were hard. When everyone else was eating ice cream for example. Also, the resort where we stayed had an in house bakery with sugary treats like donuts, cookies, ice cream, and fudge. We had to walk by the bakery every time we went to our room, and the smells were intoxicating.
I used the tread mill Monday and Tuesday, and we shopped at a huge mall for about 4 hours today so I did a lot of walking.
This trip, though short, was very different for me. Typically, trips such as these revolved around food. After all, it's easy to rationalize overeating and eating junk food while on vacation. Everyone does that, right? I noticed that I had far more energy than I normally do on vacations since I ate healthy.
I still felt that the trip revolved around food more than I would like it to. I still thought about what I was going to eat, what I was not going to eat, what everyone else was eating, etc. It would be nice if I could think much less about food.
Hopefully these healthy habits will become a part of me, and will become second nature.
I know to some of you these choices may sound boring, but variety isn't typically important to me. Staying on plan wasn't too difficult. There were moments, though, that were hard. When everyone else was eating ice cream for example. Also, the resort where we stayed had an in house bakery with sugary treats like donuts, cookies, ice cream, and fudge. We had to walk by the bakery every time we went to our room, and the smells were intoxicating.
I used the tread mill Monday and Tuesday, and we shopped at a huge mall for about 4 hours today so I did a lot of walking.
This trip, though short, was very different for me. Typically, trips such as these revolved around food. After all, it's easy to rationalize overeating and eating junk food while on vacation. Everyone does that, right? I noticed that I had far more energy than I normally do on vacations since I ate healthy.
I still felt that the trip revolved around food more than I would like it to. I still thought about what I was going to eat, what I was not going to eat, what everyone else was eating, etc. It would be nice if I could think much less about food.
Hopefully these healthy habits will become a part of me, and will become second nature.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
13 pounds gone!
I've lost 13 pounds this month! I'm glad that I weighed myself before this week's short vacation. I think this loss will help keep me motivated to eat healthy while away from home.
Friday, July 15, 2011
mini vacation
My husband and I are taking my daughter and her best friend on a mini vacation next week. We'll leave Monday and come back Wednesday. I've been pondering how to handle food during that time. I plan to take oatmeal and raisins with me so that I can eat a healthy breakfast in our room. I also plan to take some healthy snacks such as almonds with me. I don't typically eat snacks, I'm more of a three-meals-a-day kind of girl, but I know that while on vacation things change so I want to be prepared.
I know we'll be eating out a lot, so the main issue I'm trying to decide in advance is whether I'll "splurge" a little. I've already decided that I will not splurge on sugar. It's just not worth it. Even a small amount of sugar would still leave me craving sugar for days. If I do splurge it might be on french fries or pizza, for example. Is that even worth it?
In the past, one of my main sources of pleasure during a vacation has been eating. Lots of unhealthy snacks and unhealthy meals at restaurants. This little trip will be different. I want to derive pleasure from non-food things. Spending time with my family, relaxing, etc.
While I know that eating at restaurants isn't ideal, there is still at least one or two healthy choices at most any establishment. Grilled chicken sandwich, a salad without lots of cheese and full fat dressing, etc.
I also plan to exercise. I'm not sure if I'll use the hotel gym....actually now that I think about it I'm not sure if this particular establishment has one. If not, I should still be able to walk.
I'll keep you posted!
I know we'll be eating out a lot, so the main issue I'm trying to decide in advance is whether I'll "splurge" a little. I've already decided that I will not splurge on sugar. It's just not worth it. Even a small amount of sugar would still leave me craving sugar for days. If I do splurge it might be on french fries or pizza, for example. Is that even worth it?
In the past, one of my main sources of pleasure during a vacation has been eating. Lots of unhealthy snacks and unhealthy meals at restaurants. This little trip will be different. I want to derive pleasure from non-food things. Spending time with my family, relaxing, etc.
While I know that eating at restaurants isn't ideal, there is still at least one or two healthy choices at most any establishment. Grilled chicken sandwich, a salad without lots of cheese and full fat dressing, etc.
I also plan to exercise. I'm not sure if I'll use the hotel gym....actually now that I think about it I'm not sure if this particular establishment has one. If not, I should still be able to walk.
I'll keep you posted!
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