Wow!!! Has it really been almost 2 months since I've posted?? Crazy how time passes. Unlike other times when I haven't posted, this time I'm doing very well. This time of year my work load increases, as do family responsibilities. Not to mention the ever expanding to do list during the holidays.
Life has been crazy, but I'm grateful to say that my eating hasn't! I've been actively participating in my eating disorder support group, and I've gotten such wonderful help from others who struggle with the same food issues as I do. God is good!
I'm looking forward to this weekend - I have some surprises in store for my husband. His 40th birthday is next week. Hard to believe. I've known him since he was 16. Again - crazy how time passes.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
new day, fresh start
Dear Diary,
Today I will remain binge free. The debit card will remain at home when I go to work so that I don't have the means to by binge foods.
Dear God,
Grant me the willingness to eat healthy and make healthy choices. Be my strength today, because your strength is much stronger than my compulsive overeating issues. Amen
Today I will remain binge free. The debit card will remain at home when I go to work so that I don't have the means to by binge foods.
Dear God,
Grant me the willingness to eat healthy and make healthy choices. Be my strength today, because your strength is much stronger than my compulsive overeating issues. Amen
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Back to Step 1
Dear Diary,
Around mid-day the cravings began. I'd been binge free for 10 days, and hadn't really had too many cravings to speak of. They seemed to come out of the blue. Maybe there was a reason, but I haven't figured it out. I still don't know if it's important to determine a reason or if it's ultimately irrelevant.
I texted a friend from my support group, thinking that would help. When I left work, I should have called someone, but I didn't. I chose to stop at the grocery store and buy binge foods. I sat in the parking lot and ate. I ate all the way home. Then I began to feel sick. I made one good choice - I threw the rest of the food away, which was about 3/4 of what I'd purchased.
I'm back to step 1, but still on the path to wellness. Still fighting. Still aware that there are other choices when issues arise.
Around mid-day the cravings began. I'd been binge free for 10 days, and hadn't really had too many cravings to speak of. They seemed to come out of the blue. Maybe there was a reason, but I haven't figured it out. I still don't know if it's important to determine a reason or if it's ultimately irrelevant.
I texted a friend from my support group, thinking that would help. When I left work, I should have called someone, but I didn't. I chose to stop at the grocery store and buy binge foods. I sat in the parking lot and ate. I ate all the way home. Then I began to feel sick. I made one good choice - I threw the rest of the food away, which was about 3/4 of what I'd purchased.
I'm back to step 1, but still on the path to wellness. Still fighting. Still aware that there are other choices when issues arise.
Monday, October 22, 2012
baby shower
Dear Diary,
I went to a baby shower yesterday, and I handled it well. Special occasions like this are very difficult for me. I've handled the food at such events a variety of ways, many of which are unhealthy.
Option A - Eat nothing, then feel deprived and binge later.
Option B - Eat small amounts of everything that I like. Then the sugar causes cravings which often results in a binge later.
Option C - If everyone else is overeating, join in.
Option D - Eat small amounts of only the healthy foods. Fruit, veggies, but no dip or cheese or other fatty foods. Feel deprived, then go to the store to purchase some of the foods that I really wanted and overeat later.
This time, I ate fruit, veggies and dip, and crackers and cheese. No cake, cookies, chocolate or punch. This worked well!! I enjoyed what I ate and didn't feel deprived. I didn't have cravings afterwards. Great balance.
Before I went to the shower, I prayed for help and I texted a friend so that I would be accountable. I told myself "it's easier to say no than stop"and "the sugary foods aren't there for me, I don't eat them." Notice that I didn't say "can't" eat them. I "don't" eat them. Somehow this small difference can mean a lot. It means that I'm not depriving myself, but I'm making a healthy choice.
I also made a point to enjoy the people. At this particular event, this wasn't easy because I didn't know very many of the people there. But my daughter went with me, so I enjoyed her company. I treated it as a "girl's day out" because it was a 30 minute trip each way, and the countryside was absolutely beautiful.
Looking forward to putting this approach into practice during the upcoming holidays!
I went to a baby shower yesterday, and I handled it well. Special occasions like this are very difficult for me. I've handled the food at such events a variety of ways, many of which are unhealthy.
Option A - Eat nothing, then feel deprived and binge later.
Option B - Eat small amounts of everything that I like. Then the sugar causes cravings which often results in a binge later.
Option C - If everyone else is overeating, join in.
Option D - Eat small amounts of only the healthy foods. Fruit, veggies, but no dip or cheese or other fatty foods. Feel deprived, then go to the store to purchase some of the foods that I really wanted and overeat later.
This time, I ate fruit, veggies and dip, and crackers and cheese. No cake, cookies, chocolate or punch. This worked well!! I enjoyed what I ate and didn't feel deprived. I didn't have cravings afterwards. Great balance.
Before I went to the shower, I prayed for help and I texted a friend so that I would be accountable. I told myself "it's easier to say no than stop"and "the sugary foods aren't there for me, I don't eat them." Notice that I didn't say "can't" eat them. I "don't" eat them. Somehow this small difference can mean a lot. It means that I'm not depriving myself, but I'm making a healthy choice.
I also made a point to enjoy the people. At this particular event, this wasn't easy because I didn't know very many of the people there. But my daughter went with me, so I enjoyed her company. I treated it as a "girl's day out" because it was a 30 minute trip each way, and the countryside was absolutely beautiful.
Looking forward to putting this approach into practice during the upcoming holidays!
Saturday, October 20, 2012
positive results
Dear Diary,
I can already see some positive results after only 7 1/2 days of being binge free!
*I have more energy and I don't tire as easily.
*I spend more time concentrating on my family and friends than food.
*I have't wasted money on binge foods.
*I've already lost some weight.
*My mood is better.
*I'm not experiencing the mood swings that tend to occur with rapidly changing blood sugar levels.
I'm so grateful to be binge free, and I look forward to continuing on this healthy path. The most important change that this brings is that I'm closer to God. I'm asking for his help, strength, and accepting his love and forgiveness rather than putting food in his place.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Quote from General George Patton, revised a bit to remove profanity:
"I don't want to get any messages saying, 'I am holding my position...... we are advancing constantly and we are not interested in holding onto anything...... Our basic plan of operation is to advance and to keep on advancing regardless of whether we have to go over, under, or through the enemy"
Are you simply holding your position, or are you learning, growing and changing? Are you advancing toward healthy goals or are you stuck?
"I don't want to get any messages saying, 'I am holding my position...... we are advancing constantly and we are not interested in holding onto anything...... Our basic plan of operation is to advance and to keep on advancing regardless of whether we have to go over, under, or through the enemy"
Are you simply holding your position, or are you learning, growing and changing? Are you advancing toward healthy goals or are you stuck?
Saturday, October 13, 2012
retreat
Dear Diary,
I went to a retreat today with some members of my support group. I'm so very grateful that I went. It gave me hope. I learned so much. It's comforting to know that there are other compulsive overeaters that can completely relate to my struggles, and that many of them have been able, with the help of God and others who have "been there", maintain sanity.
Today was the first day in a long while that I didn't binge. I pray that this experience will be a turning point for me.
I went to a retreat today with some members of my support group. I'm so very grateful that I went. It gave me hope. I learned so much. It's comforting to know that there are other compulsive overeaters that can completely relate to my struggles, and that many of them have been able, with the help of God and others who have "been there", maintain sanity.
Today was the first day in a long while that I didn't binge. I pray that this experience will be a turning point for me.
Friday, October 12, 2012
something to think about
Saw a quote at http://ronisweigh.com that made me think.
“For every effect there is a root cause. Find and address the root cause rather than try to fix the effect.” -Celestine Chua
What do you think? Does finding the root cause matter? Is it essential to fixing your "issues"?
“For every effect there is a root cause. Find and address the root cause rather than try to fix the effect.” -Celestine Chua
What do you think? Does finding the root cause matter? Is it essential to fixing your "issues"?
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
hurt feelings
Dear Diary,
I attended a Revival service at my parent's church tonight because my daughter was invited to sing. I no longer attend this church because God called us elsewhere, but I know many of the people there. The pastor is a wonderful man. I feel very comfortable there, because I grew up there. I was looking forward to going, and was proud of my daughter for sharing her talent.
The first person that I saw when I entered the church was an older lady that I've known since I was a child. Sally* warmly welcomed us. As I walked away, I heard another elderly lady, Jean*, that I don't know as well ask her who I was. She said "that's John Smith's* daughter". I was a fair distance away by that point, and Jean probably didn't realize that I could hear her. She said "oh, yes. she lost all of that weight and looked so good. Then she gained it all back."
Isn't church a place where we should feel love and accepted? Isn't this type of behavior the reason why many people don't want to have anything to do with church? I had to immediately put the conversation out of mind. Otherwise, I would have either burst into tears or left the church. I stayed, but became sharply aware of how uncomfortable I felt in my own skin. Despite being dressed nicely and fashionably, I felt fat and ugly.
God knew that my heart was aching, though. The speaker's sermon was based on 1 Samuel 16. The verse that I needed to hear was verse 7 "..... The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
I know that Jean didn't know I heard her. I don't believe she would have hurt my feelings intentionally. But they were hurt.
*All names changed.
I attended a Revival service at my parent's church tonight because my daughter was invited to sing. I no longer attend this church because God called us elsewhere, but I know many of the people there. The pastor is a wonderful man. I feel very comfortable there, because I grew up there. I was looking forward to going, and was proud of my daughter for sharing her talent.
The first person that I saw when I entered the church was an older lady that I've known since I was a child. Sally* warmly welcomed us. As I walked away, I heard another elderly lady, Jean*, that I don't know as well ask her who I was. She said "that's John Smith's* daughter". I was a fair distance away by that point, and Jean probably didn't realize that I could hear her. She said "oh, yes. she lost all of that weight and looked so good. Then she gained it all back."
Isn't church a place where we should feel love and accepted? Isn't this type of behavior the reason why many people don't want to have anything to do with church? I had to immediately put the conversation out of mind. Otherwise, I would have either burst into tears or left the church. I stayed, but became sharply aware of how uncomfortable I felt in my own skin. Despite being dressed nicely and fashionably, I felt fat and ugly.
God knew that my heart was aching, though. The speaker's sermon was based on 1 Samuel 16. The verse that I needed to hear was verse 7 "..... The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
I know that Jean didn't know I heard her. I don't believe she would have hurt my feelings intentionally. But they were hurt.
*All names changed.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
my story
Dear Diary,
I'm having a rough day. Realizing that I'm back to a place that I never wanted to return to is tough. As I've gained weight so rapidly due to binge eating, the changes seem to come so suddenly. I can't walk to the mail box without getting winded. I have no energy. I avoid activity. I'm noticing some back aches and knee pain that weren't an issue when I was on a healthy path. I hate how I look. When I'm eating healthy and off the food, I don't think I truly remember how all of this feels.
My sister mentioned a discussion that she'd had with coworkers recently about how all of us have a story. Your story shapes so much about you. When I think of my life, I think about how grateful I am for God, my kids, husband, sister, nieces and parents. Not to mention extended family and friends. These are what is most important to me, not material things. However, the predominant theme of my life is always somehow related to my problems with food.
The question is - do I want my story to be one of defeat and depression or one of overcoming obstacles?
I'm having a rough day. Realizing that I'm back to a place that I never wanted to return to is tough. As I've gained weight so rapidly due to binge eating, the changes seem to come so suddenly. I can't walk to the mail box without getting winded. I have no energy. I avoid activity. I'm noticing some back aches and knee pain that weren't an issue when I was on a healthy path. I hate how I look. When I'm eating healthy and off the food, I don't think I truly remember how all of this feels.
My sister mentioned a discussion that she'd had with coworkers recently about how all of us have a story. Your story shapes so much about you. When I think of my life, I think about how grateful I am for God, my kids, husband, sister, nieces and parents. Not to mention extended family and friends. These are what is most important to me, not material things. However, the predominant theme of my life is always somehow related to my problems with food.
The question is - do I want my story to be one of defeat and depression or one of overcoming obstacles?
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Admiration
I have such admiration for those who will go to any lengths to maintain freedom from compulsive overeating. I'm not there. Yet. I pray that I will get there.
The sermon at church Sunday really resonated with me. It was about Fear. God doesn't give us a spirit of Fear, so if we're experiencing Fear it's not from him. Imagine how David felt when he was facing Goliath! A scrawny teenager facing a 9 foot plus warrior with muscles like Arnold.
Food/compulsive overeating is my Goliath. On my own, I may be powerless. But with help, I can overcome.
The sermon at church Sunday really resonated with me. It was about Fear. God doesn't give us a spirit of Fear, so if we're experiencing Fear it's not from him. Imagine how David felt when he was facing Goliath! A scrawny teenager facing a 9 foot plus warrior with muscles like Arnold.
Food/compulsive overeating is my Goliath. On my own, I may be powerless. But with help, I can overcome.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Catching Up
Dear Diary,
It's been almost a month since I posted!! How time flies. There are a few reasons for this. 1- I've been busy. 2- I finally joined the 21st century and set up a Facebook account. This is part of my efforts to not isolate myself so much. Food addiction is such an isolating disease. I know there are better ways to reach out (phone, text, visiting a friend, etc.), but this is an avenue of "safely" staying in touch for someone like myself who is not a social butterfly. I've been spending time on FB rather than blogs lately. 3- I haven't had anything good to report.
The third reason is the main one for my absence. I realize that writing can be therapeutic, so avoiding doing so when my eating is out of control isn't smart.
Recently my son expressed his concerns about my rapid weight gain and return to poor eating habits. He is such a great kid. It broke my heart to hear him say that there isn't a day that doesn't go by that he doesn't think about my struggles. A big burden for a 20 year old. I admire that he loves me enough to confront me.
I considered an inpatient treatment program, but there's nothing close by (not even in my state) and my insurance doesn't cover this. I also considered going to a counselor that specializes in eating disorders. I haven't discounted that, but the treatment I've decided to try involves a support group of others who suffer from compulsive overeating.
So far, that's helped. My food still hasn't gotten where it needs to be, and I have a long way to go emotionally but I'm going to stick with this group. I'm currently trying to decide if I should join them on a retreat in October. It is so very much out of my comfort zone. New experiences scare me. However, I need to seek help and perhaps this is a good avenue.
Bye for now!
It's been almost a month since I posted!! How time flies. There are a few reasons for this. 1- I've been busy. 2- I finally joined the 21st century and set up a Facebook account. This is part of my efforts to not isolate myself so much. Food addiction is such an isolating disease. I know there are better ways to reach out (phone, text, visiting a friend, etc.), but this is an avenue of "safely" staying in touch for someone like myself who is not a social butterfly. I've been spending time on FB rather than blogs lately. 3- I haven't had anything good to report.
The third reason is the main one for my absence. I realize that writing can be therapeutic, so avoiding doing so when my eating is out of control isn't smart.
Recently my son expressed his concerns about my rapid weight gain and return to poor eating habits. He is such a great kid. It broke my heart to hear him say that there isn't a day that doesn't go by that he doesn't think about my struggles. A big burden for a 20 year old. I admire that he loves me enough to confront me.
I considered an inpatient treatment program, but there's nothing close by (not even in my state) and my insurance doesn't cover this. I also considered going to a counselor that specializes in eating disorders. I haven't discounted that, but the treatment I've decided to try involves a support group of others who suffer from compulsive overeating.
So far, that's helped. My food still hasn't gotten where it needs to be, and I have a long way to go emotionally but I'm going to stick with this group. I'm currently trying to decide if I should join them on a retreat in October. It is so very much out of my comfort zone. New experiences scare me. However, I need to seek help and perhaps this is a good avenue.
Bye for now!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
39
Dear Diary,
Today is my 39th birthday. Wow. Where did the time go? I must admit that I'm feeling kind of down right now. I always spend some time reflecting on my life when my birthday rolls around, and I'm not sure I like what I see. Don't misunderstand - I am definitely blessed. I have a wonderful family, a job that I like, and most importantly a God who loves me :) What I don't like is, of course, my weight. I also don't feel that I've accomplished very much in my life. Perhaps I'm just being too hard on myself. I need to turn this pity party into an opportunity to improve.
Enough of that. Happy Birthday to Me :) Here's to a great year!!
Today is my 39th birthday. Wow. Where did the time go? I must admit that I'm feeling kind of down right now. I always spend some time reflecting on my life when my birthday rolls around, and I'm not sure I like what I see. Don't misunderstand - I am definitely blessed. I have a wonderful family, a job that I like, and most importantly a God who loves me :) What I don't like is, of course, my weight. I also don't feel that I've accomplished very much in my life. Perhaps I'm just being too hard on myself. I need to turn this pity party into an opportunity to improve.
Enough of that. Happy Birthday to Me :) Here's to a great year!!
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
interesting weekend
Dear Diary,
I had such a great weekend! Friday, we traveled to attend my son's first bodybuilding competition. We had a great time, and it was far more interesting to watch than I'd expected.
I am so proud of my son. He has been lifting weights for several years, and he's extremely dedicated. He's disciplined with his exercise routine and his diet. He was the youngest competitor (20 years old) and he placed in the top 5 in the men's debut category!!!!
It was wonderful to spend time with my family, and I appreciated it so very much.
Seeing all of these healthy people caused mixed emotions. I was embarrassed at my lack of self control. Regardless of suffering from food addiction, I still need to take responsibility for my choices.
I had such a great weekend! Friday, we traveled to attend my son's first bodybuilding competition. We had a great time, and it was far more interesting to watch than I'd expected.
I am so proud of my son. He has been lifting weights for several years, and he's extremely dedicated. He's disciplined with his exercise routine and his diet. He was the youngest competitor (20 years old) and he placed in the top 5 in the men's debut category!!!!
It was wonderful to spend time with my family, and I appreciated it so very much.
Seeing all of these healthy people caused mixed emotions. I was embarrassed at my lack of self control. Regardless of suffering from food addiction, I still need to take responsibility for my choices.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
closet debate
Dear Diary,
As I lost weight last year, I got rid of my clothes that were too large. If they were still nice, I donated them to Good Will. If they weren't they were thrown away. After all, this is what all the experts say to do, right? Keeping clothes that are too large give you a safety net for regaining the weight. The need to purchase new items if the scales go back up should be motivation to stay on track.
I'm beginning to think that theory is rubbish. Hogwash. Whatever silly word you'd like to say. As I've written in all of my recent entries, I've gained a substantial amount of weight back. Much of my clothing doesn't fit. Even if I were to get my act together this very second and reverse this trend, it would still take a while to be able to wear some of the smaller sizes in my closet. This leaves several choices. Wear the limited items that fit, wear clothes that are too tight and unflattering, and/or buy a few things in larger sizes. None of these are good for my already injured self esteem. If I had kept a few of the nicer pieces as I lost weight, I'd have another choice. I think this would be less humiliating than the other choices I mentioned.
Any thoughts?
As I lost weight last year, I got rid of my clothes that were too large. If they were still nice, I donated them to Good Will. If they weren't they were thrown away. After all, this is what all the experts say to do, right? Keeping clothes that are too large give you a safety net for regaining the weight. The need to purchase new items if the scales go back up should be motivation to stay on track.
I'm beginning to think that theory is rubbish. Hogwash. Whatever silly word you'd like to say. As I've written in all of my recent entries, I've gained a substantial amount of weight back. Much of my clothing doesn't fit. Even if I were to get my act together this very second and reverse this trend, it would still take a while to be able to wear some of the smaller sizes in my closet. This leaves several choices. Wear the limited items that fit, wear clothes that are too tight and unflattering, and/or buy a few things in larger sizes. None of these are good for my already injured self esteem. If I had kept a few of the nicer pieces as I lost weight, I'd have another choice. I think this would be less humiliating than the other choices I mentioned.
Any thoughts?
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
I am more
Dear Diary,
I am more than a number on the scale. I am more than the size of my clothing. My self worth isn't about whether the number on the scale is going up, down, or staying the same.
My self esteem has, for many years, been directly tied to my weight. If I'm gaining weight, my self esteem plummets. If I'm eating healthy and losing weight my self esteem is a bit better.
When will I make the choice to not allow compulsive overeating to consume a majority of my thoughts and actions? When will I learn that I am a valuable, beautiful child of God, a kind person, a good listener, a good mom, friend, sister, daughter? When will it become less difficult to even key those words without wanting to hit the delete key because it seems like I'm either bragging or not telling the full truth? When will I not want to add a disclaimer that I could be a much better mom, friend, sister, daughter?
Perhaps if my self esteem improves the number on the scale will go down because I've learned that I'm worth not abusing my body. I'm worth not using food in ways other than nourishment.
I'm reminded of some of the lyrics of Tenth Avenue North's song "You Are More":
You are more than the choices that you've made,You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,You are more than the problems you create,You've been remade.
I am more than a number on the scale. I am more than the size of my clothing. My self worth isn't about whether the number on the scale is going up, down, or staying the same.
My self esteem has, for many years, been directly tied to my weight. If I'm gaining weight, my self esteem plummets. If I'm eating healthy and losing weight my self esteem is a bit better.
When will I make the choice to not allow compulsive overeating to consume a majority of my thoughts and actions? When will I learn that I am a valuable, beautiful child of God, a kind person, a good listener, a good mom, friend, sister, daughter? When will it become less difficult to even key those words without wanting to hit the delete key because it seems like I'm either bragging or not telling the full truth? When will I not want to add a disclaimer that I could be a much better mom, friend, sister, daughter?
Perhaps if my self esteem improves the number on the scale will go down because I've learned that I'm worth not abusing my body. I'm worth not using food in ways other than nourishment.
I'm reminded of some of the lyrics of Tenth Avenue North's song "You Are More":
You are more than the choices that you've made,You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,You are more than the problems you create,You've been remade.
Monday, August 6, 2012
don't know what you've got 'til it's gone
Dear Diary,
Last year when I'd lost 100+ pounds, I didn't fully appreciate the benefits. I was still overweight, but I felt far more comfortable in my own skin. I could climb a flight of steps without getting winded. I could go into any clothing shop that carried plus sizes and purchase something off the rack rather than having to order things online. I could even wear some things in xl or xxl from certain clothing companies. I wasn't worried that I wouldn't fit comfortably in a movie theater seat. I felt somewhat normal.
Now that I've gained back a significant amount of that, I miss those things. I miss looking into the mirror and being able to find my cheekbones. I miss looking into the mirror and realizing that I looked pretty good! Now I'm avoiding mirrors again. I miss being confidant when I run into an old friend; now I would probably try to avoid them.
I shouldn't let these things lead me into a cycle of despair, depression and more overeating. These should be motivation to get back on track and make healthy choices physically and emotionally.
Last year when I'd lost 100+ pounds, I didn't fully appreciate the benefits. I was still overweight, but I felt far more comfortable in my own skin. I could climb a flight of steps without getting winded. I could go into any clothing shop that carried plus sizes and purchase something off the rack rather than having to order things online. I could even wear some things in xl or xxl from certain clothing companies. I wasn't worried that I wouldn't fit comfortably in a movie theater seat. I felt somewhat normal.
Now that I've gained back a significant amount of that, I miss those things. I miss looking into the mirror and being able to find my cheekbones. I miss looking into the mirror and realizing that I looked pretty good! Now I'm avoiding mirrors again. I miss being confidant when I run into an old friend; now I would probably try to avoid them.
I shouldn't let these things lead me into a cycle of despair, depression and more overeating. These should be motivation to get back on track and make healthy choices physically and emotionally.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Good advice
Dear Diary,
I read a great article in a magazine today. It was about Dr. Oz, and something he said really resonated with me.
"Cravings are driven by your mind, not actual hunger." Dr. Mehmet Oz
Of course, this is completely logical. Most everyone knows this. However, seeing it in black and white was powerful for me. He went on to say "This means that you don't need to eat to quell them. Instead, call a friend - this will distract you long enough for the craving to pass."
This is exactly what has been discussed in the support group I've been attending. Someone mentioned that a craving will typically pass in 15 minutes. You can choose to eat, (which may lead to overeating if you're a compulsive overeater) or you can choose to call a friend, write in a journal, exercise, or engage in some other healthy behavior.
The question is, what will I choose to do when cravings hit?
I read a great article in a magazine today. It was about Dr. Oz, and something he said really resonated with me.
"Cravings are driven by your mind, not actual hunger." Dr. Mehmet Oz
Of course, this is completely logical. Most everyone knows this. However, seeing it in black and white was powerful for me. He went on to say "This means that you don't need to eat to quell them. Instead, call a friend - this will distract you long enough for the craving to pass."
This is exactly what has been discussed in the support group I've been attending. Someone mentioned that a craving will typically pass in 15 minutes. You can choose to eat, (which may lead to overeating if you're a compulsive overeater) or you can choose to call a friend, write in a journal, exercise, or engage in some other healthy behavior.
The question is, what will I choose to do when cravings hit?
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Blog makeover
Dear Diary,
Once again I've been too ashamed and embarrassed to write a blog post. My weight is up. (That's an understatement). I've continued to overeat. I'm very rarely exercising. From all appearances, I've given up. Why bother posting? What good would it do?
Then I remembered. Yes, I did begin this blog as mainly a weight loss blog. Yes, I steadily lost weight from January to around December of 2011 for what I'd really hoped would be the last time. However - I began this blog for me. It's healthy to write out one's thoughts. Especially for those like myself who tend to stuff their feelings inside rather than sharing them. Who cares what anyone else thinks? I only have a few followers. For anyone who can learn something from what I have to write here, that's wonderful. Even if it's simply that they learn that they are not suffering alone. That is such a major lesson to learn. For anyone who doesn't understand, doesn't care, or is frustrated by my current outward lack of progress - they can move on. If there are those who would like to encourage or make recommendations, then I welcome that.
I changed my blog appearance a bit. One of the main changes is that I removed the weight loss area. I was hesitant to do this, because I do need to work on that. At this point, though, I'm learning that my weight is a side effect of the disease of compulsive overeating. If I don't address the tough stuff, then the weight will always return. If I address the "issues", then weight loss will come.
Welcome to my journey; the good, the bad, the frustrations and the triumphs.
Once again I've been too ashamed and embarrassed to write a blog post. My weight is up. (That's an understatement). I've continued to overeat. I'm very rarely exercising. From all appearances, I've given up. Why bother posting? What good would it do?
Then I remembered. Yes, I did begin this blog as mainly a weight loss blog. Yes, I steadily lost weight from January to around December of 2011 for what I'd really hoped would be the last time. However - I began this blog for me. It's healthy to write out one's thoughts. Especially for those like myself who tend to stuff their feelings inside rather than sharing them. Who cares what anyone else thinks? I only have a few followers. For anyone who can learn something from what I have to write here, that's wonderful. Even if it's simply that they learn that they are not suffering alone. That is such a major lesson to learn. For anyone who doesn't understand, doesn't care, or is frustrated by my current outward lack of progress - they can move on. If there are those who would like to encourage or make recommendations, then I welcome that.
I changed my blog appearance a bit. One of the main changes is that I removed the weight loss area. I was hesitant to do this, because I do need to work on that. At this point, though, I'm learning that my weight is a side effect of the disease of compulsive overeating. If I don't address the tough stuff, then the weight will always return. If I address the "issues", then weight loss will come.
Welcome to my journey; the good, the bad, the frustrations and the triumphs.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
2 small goals
I'm continuing to follow Diane's suggestion (see her comment to my 7/17/12 post) to make several small goals. Her recommendation was three, but I'm going with two. I want to have two reasonable solid goals that will take a bit of work, but aren't currently unrealistic for me.
Confession time. As I was considering my goals, I thought of several that I knew I could handle with very little effort. Eat a healthy breakfast every day for x number of days. Eat a healthy lunch every day for x number of days. With very few exceptions, I've been doing this. If I set a goal this easy, I'm only cheating myself.
Goal #1: no binge eating/overeating from 7/23/12 to 8/10/12. Why these dates? I'm beginning tomorrow because I'd be lying if I said that today didn't include some amount of overeating. August 10 is the day prior to my son's first body building competition. I'm ashamed and embarrassed of the weight I've recently gained, and that he'll have an overweight mom at this event. The very least I can do is go with a clear conscience that I'm making healthier choices and turning things around.
Goal #2: exercise at least twice a week from 7/23/12 to 8/10/12. I'm staying with the same dates since it just makes sense to me to do so. There was a time that I did some form of exercise 6-7 days a week. Lately, the number has been 0. Twice a week is attainable.
I'll keep you posted regarding my progress. Any encouragement is welcome!!
Confession time. As I was considering my goals, I thought of several that I knew I could handle with very little effort. Eat a healthy breakfast every day for x number of days. Eat a healthy lunch every day for x number of days. With very few exceptions, I've been doing this. If I set a goal this easy, I'm only cheating myself.
Goal #1: no binge eating/overeating from 7/23/12 to 8/10/12. Why these dates? I'm beginning tomorrow because I'd be lying if I said that today didn't include some amount of overeating. August 10 is the day prior to my son's first body building competition. I'm ashamed and embarrassed of the weight I've recently gained, and that he'll have an overweight mom at this event. The very least I can do is go with a clear conscience that I'm making healthier choices and turning things around.
Goal #2: exercise at least twice a week from 7/23/12 to 8/10/12. I'm staying with the same dates since it just makes sense to me to do so. There was a time that I did some form of exercise 6-7 days a week. Lately, the number has been 0. Twice a week is attainable.
I'll keep you posted regarding my progress. Any encouragement is welcome!!
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