Monday, December 19, 2011

Letter to self

Dear Melanie,

When your co-worker gives you a delightful smelling, beautiful mini-loaf of pumpkin bread for Christmas, do not leave it in an area on your desk where you can see it and smell it all day.  This is asking for trouble.

When you are driving home, put said loaf in the back seat.  If you lack good judgement and put it in the front with you, do not eat it.  If you decide to try a piece, wait until you are at home.  At home, you know that you will not be as likely to polish off the entire loaf like you are certain to do in the car.  You know that eating in the car, 95% of the time, equates to binge eating.  Secretive eating is not a good choice for you.  There is at least a small chance that if you tried a piece at home, you would have given the rest of the bread (and I use this term loosely because this was definitely more of a pumpkin cake, not bread) to your daughter who can handle sweet things in moderation.

Once you managed to eat the whole thing, it is not necessarily a bad idea to eat a small healthy snack to balance the blood sugar spike and eventual crash.  However, do not confuse this with a need to fill a bottomless pit with ham, cheese, a salad full of cheese and croutons, and whatever else you can secretly eat while your family isn't watching.

Did you realize that you could have spent some wonderfully intimate time with your husband today, but you didn't because you were disgusted with yourself so you couldn't stand the thought of him touching you?  Do you realize that you are worthy of love and affection?  Do you know that the fact that you are worthy of love doesn't change because you sometimes make  poor choices?

When you later had to spend about an hour driving by yourself, you did not need to continue the poor habits.  There are other, far better ways to enjoy some quiet time.  You can pray.  You can enjoy Christmas music and Christmas lights.  You can count your blessings (literally).  When you stopped at WalMart, God gave you an out.  It was absolutely unbelievable that you couldn't find the Reese trees or the Hershey's Pot of Gold that you were looking for.  You didn't need to buy the Reese big cups, Caramello bar, and bag of chex mix muddy buddies to replace your desired binge foods.

Congratulations for making the choice to throw away the second half of the Caramello bar and over 3/4 of the bag of muddy buddies!!!!  And all because they were sickeningly sweet??!!!  What progress.  Remember this the next time you are tempted!!!!!!!!!

Remember: man (nor) woman can not live by bread alone.  An order of Italian cheese bread is in no way, shape or form a good dinner choice.  Especially after you have eaten all of the above fast absorbing carbs.  This will insure a sick feeling.

When all of this was over, remember the guilt, shame, embarrassment and sickness.  What part of this was good?  Maybe the first bite or two? Was it worth it?

Tomorrow is another day.  You can overcome.


  1. Oh my.. what a beautifully written post and I am sure many can relate to. Tomorrow is another day. I wish you much success!

  2. The disease of compulsive eating/food addiction sucks. I am sorry you are in so much pain with the food but I am wishing you a better tomorrow and rooting for YOU.

    Jane at