There was a possibility that I would have to spend about 7 hours driving on December 26; half of that by myself. I must admit, when I first found out about this I began planning a binge. It went something like this. "If I can avoid sugar and binges through Christmas, then that day I will indulge. I can stop by Walmart or Target and get Reese trees. After all, they will be on sale!!! And maybe some of that caramel Hershey's Pot of Gold candy. After that, maybe I'll get some pizza".
I found out last night that I probably won't have to make that trip, but I may have to spend about an hour driving this Sunday afternoon. Again, I immediately thought about eating. As my thoughts turned to food, I realized I was a tiny bit hungry. Not much, mind you, just a little bit. I'd eaten a healthy, filling dinner. I'd exercised. (There are a few pretty good workout options on Netflix instant, by the way) Nevertheless, I convinced myself that I was hungry.
As I began to think about food, I wondered how my weight was. I planned to weigh myself on Saturday. I weighed myself last night, and I had lost weight since the last time I weighed in. Somehow, I turned this into justification for overeating.
I started with a ham sandwich on whole wheat with lite mayo and cheese. This wasn't a horrible choice. I should have stopped there. This lead to cheese and crackers. Which lead to graham crackers. Then chex mix with peanuts. Then bread with butter and jelly.
I'm feeling the effects of all of the salt this morning. I'm so thirsty. My hands are a bit swollen. Yuck.
Somewhere during the binge planning when I originally thought I'd be driving by myself for 3 1/2 hours, I began thinking about my future. There will be a time, probably 4-8 years from now, that I won't have kids living at home. What if my husband still has a job like he does now where he travels a lot? With that much time alone, how will I maintain weight loss? Should I even bother with this? Yes, I should. While the reality of this is that I will likely always struggle with food, I don't have to resign myself to eventual failure.
I'm eating a healthy breakfast this morning and moving on.