Despite my good intentions of starting over today, it only took a few hours of a stressful workday, hearing someone talk about homemade cranberry muffins, seeing some mini Reese trees on someone's desk (I didn't know they were even made in a mini version!!???!!!) then smelling a co-worker's calzone as she ate at her desk for me to quickly begin planning what food I would buy after work today.
After all, I had to go to the grocery store to buy some chicken anyway, why not get some chocolate? Perhaps some pizza after that. Then, I went to lunch and several people at work were eating some delicious looking pizza.
As I began eating my grilled chicken and fruit, I was overwhelmed with frustration. Honestly, I just wanted to cry. I'm so tired of fighting this battle. Then I decided to get out of the self pity pit I was sinking into. I texted my son and shared with him the difficulty I was having. Then a good friend came and sat with me and we were able to eat lunch together. She has such a positive outlook on life, and spending just that little bit of time with her boosted my spirits more than I can explain. I didn't tell her that I was having a rough day, but she still made a difference.
From then on, the desire to eat very quickly subsided. It was almost as if someone had flipped some sort of switch and things were drastically better. Why is that? Wouldn't it be nice if we did have some type of switch that we could turn off and on? If we had that switch would we use it? After all, I had options that I almost didn't use. I almost didn't text my son. Subconsciously, I know that texting him almost takes the choice away from me. And, as much as I hate it, a part of me sometimes wants to binge despite all of the negative consequences. Once I'm accountable to someone, I'm highly unlikely to go through with a binge.
On the way home, I saw an absolutely beautiful rainbow. Despite the fact that it was still cloudy, the colors were so defined. Thank you, God, for sending me help in the form of my son, my friend, and the rainbow.